Uhhh...not only is this exceedingly creepy, but isn't it also somewhat unlawful? Whatever happened to the separation of church and state, especially when said "church" is actually a crazy cult run by a leader named Queen Antoinette? That is to say, is it really within the state's purview to include a clause that addresses resurrection? Not that coming back to life is strictly a religious concept, but the mother's belief that her son will be resurrected is based on her religious beliefs. Can that even be considered in a plea bargain? Like, "If my religious beliefs come to fruition, then that will supecede the law"...isn't that sort of what she's indicating? It just seems weird that they would incorporate a religious belief into a plea bargain. Not that it'll bring her kid back to life...yeah, he's dead.
In other, slightly less horrendous news, did I mention that I asked a girl out via JDate? An actual nice and pretty girl responded to me and we've been chatting a bit via messages...she was moving down to Los Angeles this weekend, and so I asked if she wanted to get coffee sometime. No response yet, but hey, it's something...and I suppose now I can't say that no one has responded to me. Yay...?
Can I just say that I am absolutely sick and tired of people constantly referencing Dr. Manhattan's "big blue dong" as a reason why Watchmen underperformed? If I see one more online discussion that notes the fact that, holy fucking shit, there was a PENIS in Watchmen (and it was apparently big and blue), I'm going to lose it and snap the Internet in two. Grow the fuck up, people. Yes, Dr. Manhattan was (tee hee) naked in the movie, and yes, his (snicker) dong was totally swinging around for everyone to see. Oh my God! Let's all comment on this fact forever and ever and ever and ever and suggest that that's a real reason for the movie's lackluster box office.
I'm hardly someone who's so comfortable with my body that I'd happily stroll naked down the beach (in actuality, I won't even take my shirt off in public), but I also don't think that the mere existence of a penis in a movie invites snickering or endless discussion. Now, if that penis were smacking someone in the face, then that would be worth mentioning. If that penis detached itself from its host body and spent the remainder of the movie trying to hitchhike to Toronto, yes, that would be something to note. But if a character in the movie is just naked (and it makes sense that they're naked), then get over it, who cares, shut up about it.
"OH MY GOD THERE WAS A PENIS IN THE MOVIE HA HA HA HA I CAN'T BELIEVE THEY DID THAT IT'S HIS DICK AND IT'S NOT COVERED UP HA HA HA HA THAT'S SO GAY AND FUNNY AND I HAVE TO REFERENCE IT EVERY TIME SOMEONE TALKS ABOUT THE MOVIE!!!!" said the Internet.
I, for one, am thrilled that Dr. Manhattan was naked in Watchmen. No, not because I love seeing male nudity (I could do without it on a regular basis, really), but because it made absolute sense for the character to be naked. If Dr. Manhattan had just worn a loincloth or something all the time, that would have been a compromise for the character, not to mention the fact that the same internet fucks who are making this their new go-to punchline would have bitched and moaned about Hollywood interference if he had been clothed.
And don't even get me started on the absolute fucking morons who are now saying, "Well, the movie should have been PG-13, really...." Ugh. Just ugh. Conclusion: people are never happy. Complaining makes people happy. People can never do enough complaining, and thus, people are never happy. Also, people who make a point of talking about a film's nudity quotient (male or female, really...I also loathe pervvy guys who recommend movies to other guys based on the tits on display) as a primary point of discussion: we will not get along. This same bullshit happened last year with Forgetting Sarah Marshall...virtually every evaluation of the movie, professional or amateur, had to reference the fact that, holy shit, you see a penis and it's just there. It's not even doing anything funny. God for-fucking-bid.
And speaking of Forgetting Sarah Marshall, I saw a few movies this weekend, starting with I Love You, Man (starring Forgetting Sarah Marshall's Jason Segel). I wanted to love this movie...I mean, if you take the basic premise (adult guy realizes he has no guy friends around and tries to make friends as an adult, which is difficult), it's basically my biography. It's such a basic, clever premise that had a lot of promise...or so I thought. Really, though, once you get into the part of the movie wherein Paul Rudd's character meets Jason Segel's character and they become fast friends, it basically veers into standard rom-com territory...and that part begins about 20 minutes into the nearly 2-hour movie. And then it's just predictable and even a little boring. But it's cute, I guess...worth seeing maybe on video.
I also saw Duplicity...if only it had lived up to its relatively awesome first thirty minutes or so, I would have been totally in love with this movie. Unfortunately, it just doesn't maintain that initial burst of energy, and it gradually becomes...well, not wholly predictable (though I have to say that I at least considered the final twist as an option, even if only for a second at one point in the movie...what do I win?), but also not super fun. It's good, though, and it's always refreshing to see a smart movie that's really geared toward adults.
And then there's Monsters vs. Aliens, which I actually saw in 3D. I popped my 3D cherry with this movie, and apparently, this was a good choice for that option, as it apparently integrates the 3D better than most prior attempts. I'm really wary about the whole 3D thing (I hate that it's becoming a standard..."oh, why aren't all movies in 3D now?"), but I have to admit that it was fun for this movie. It's a slippery slope, this whole 3D thing...I want to make the blanket statement that animated movies really benefit from 3D, but would something like Wall-E really have been better in 3D? And maybe something like My Bloody Valentine is fun in 3D (I wouldn't know), but I also want to make the blanket statement that live action 3D is unnecessary. I don't know...I just hate when good filmmakers get lost in service of the technology (James Cameron and Robert Zemeckis...come back to us).
But the movie itself? It was okay. It definitely wasn't hysterical, but it wasn't unfunny. It was cute. I'd recommend seeing it in 3D if you're going to see it in theaters. It's not as great as Kung Fu Panda (really) but it's way, way, way better than Shark Tale or Madagascar 2 (speaking strictly in terms of Dreamworks Animation movies...I'd put Monsters vs. Aliens alongside maybe A Bug's Life in terms of Pixar movies).
I guess that's it for now...I'm still not sure how I feel about blogging anymore. Yes, I've been busy, but I also just haven't had the spark to put fingers to keyboard and write about anything lately. Maybe it's because I don't want to prattle on about work stuff (I wrote a lot of e-mails today...made some calls...did some stuff...). Perhaps I'm tired of whining about my social life...or perhaps it's because I just haven't had much going on in it of late. I've always felt like somewhat of a failure as a blogger...I mean, don't most bloggers write about their opinions on the world at large? Politics, news, laws, snarky observations...I've mostly just gazed at my proverbial navel. Is that interesting? And do I care if I'm interesting to others? I have no idea.
Well, it seems that another week has gone by without any input from me...I'm not saying that there isn't a place for this blog in my day-to-day life, but I just haven't been able to dedicate the necessary effort of late. Plus, it's been more difficult to write at work...I used to write when my boss was off at his meetings, but now I seem to be attending every meeting with him. And seeing as how this is still a time for me to be proving myself with my new responsibilities, it doesn't seem wise to be writing about my latest JDate escapade while there's work to be done. But again, my boss will be out after this week, so....
Anyway, although it's taking up a lot of real estate in my life right now, work isn't that interesting of a topic (especially since, as I've said before, I can't dive into it here the way I'd like). Suffice it to say, it was a hectic week, including a moment wherein I truly worried that I was going to be fired (which, thankfully, doesn't seem to be the case...knock on wood). And while my workload has drastically increased, I'm still not reaping the financial rewards...but my boss assures me they will come (as long as I stop fucking up...my words, not his).
But one reward I did reap this week was being allowed to attend a screening of our June hopeful-blockbuster, The Taking of Pelham 1-2-3, starring Denzel Washington and John Travolta and directed by Tony Scott. Had this been any other week, this would have been reason enough to blog immediately. However...that may not be accurate, as I can't really say anything about the movie right now. It's not a gag order from the higher-ups or anything...it's more that I would like this movie to make money to support the studio (and prevent further layoffs), and while I understand that comments on some random Vox blog won't exactly light the world on fire, well...I'll just save my opinion for after the movie's opening weekend. I'll say that I loved the original movie with Walter Matthau and that I dearly hope this remake prompts Fox/MGM to release the original in a special edition on Blu-ray (the current DVD is featureless and non-anamorphic). So...go see the remake in June, everyone! It has great art direction and location shooting! And Denzel is good!
And speaking of JDate adventures, I did actually get a response e-mail from a girl on the site. It was pretty surprising. I wrote to her first, she wrote to me, I wrote her back, she wrote to me, I wrote to her, and now the ball is in her court. It doesn't seem like much, but it's the most activity I've had since my last blind date in December. But we'll see...she seems nice and all, but...we'll see.
That's probably good for now. I should really get back to writing daily or every other day so that I'm not just covering the "big events" from the week in a Sunday recap (yes, these were the "big events" of the week...shut up). And I do have other topics to discuss...but they'll have to wait for another day.
I've been negligent with my blogging duties...shameful, really. But my excuse is that things have been a bit crazy since I returned from New York...and also, I'm still trying to figure out this blog's intent. Is it an open forum for anyone to see (meaning that I would allow it to be "searchable," which it currently is not) or is it basically an online journal that can be read only by those who know where to find it? I tend to gravitate towards the latter, mainly because I don't want to cater my thoughts to a mass audience (not that it would be "mass," but you know) and because I want to discuss certain things without fear that someone I talk about would stumble upon it. But on the other hand, it is nice to get feedback and know that my thoughts aren't just disappearing into the abyss of the internet....
Whatever. For now, I'm content to use this as my "diary" and write what I want. And what I want to write about right now is the crazy week I just had and the crazy week that I expect to have. But first: Watchmen. Before this aforementioned "craziness" took place, I was going to sit down and delve further into my feelings on the movie. For indeed, it seems to warrant more than a basic paragraph or two about whether I liked it or not...it's not right that I discussed He's Just Not That Into You as much as I did Watchmen.
But sadly, it seems that few people are watching the Watchmen...with only $18M in box office this weekend (a pretty damn steep drop-off from its opening weekend of around $55M), it seems that the movie is destined to be a relative box office failure. And that's a damn shame...if not for the movie itself, then for similar productions. Interestingly enough, one of the film's screenwriters wrote an open letter to Ain't It Cool News (and other sites, I think) basically pleading with people to see the movie this weekend. Apparently, Hollywood is (was) keeping a close eye on the box office for this 161-minute R-rated slavishly-faithful adaptation to see how this sort of risk would pay off. Unfortunately, Hollywood has its answer.
In the Talkbacks for that particular open letter, people alternated between agreeing with the idea of supporting such a "difficult" film in the hopes of showing Hollywood that this kind of complex adult entertainment can make money and flaying the writer alive for pimping his half-assed movie, saying that it should fail because a) the movie sucks, b) he sucks, and/or c) WAAAHHHHH THE SQUID!!!!!!! Part of the latter argument was also that, yes, hardcore nerd-friendly epics should still be made, but not like Watchmen because director Zack Snyder did a bad job and they don't want more of this specifically.
My opinion? I wanted to see Watchmen succeed. Is the movie perfect? Absolutely not. By staying strictly bound to the book's visuals, Snyder ignored opportunities to make the overall end product more...cinematic in a way. That sounds weird, but I think that, while there are absolute benefits to doing exactly what the comic did (for the most part), it denies the film from doing anything different or unique. When the movie was done, I basically said to my friend: "Yep, that's Watchmen." I didn't go on an emotional journey, I wasn't surprised or wowed...I just saw the graphic novel on screen. Which is cool and commendable, but....
I still like the movie and my rating doesn't change, but I do get the criticism. And indeed, I absolutely respect the amount of effort and struggle Snyder went through to make the movie what it is. To that end, I wanted to see it succeed. That's not to say that, for instance, Iron Man 2 should be R-rated and three hours long, but once in a while, it would be nice to see something more hardcore and risky come out of Hollywood (not Hostel hardcore, though...just not compromised for a PG-13 audience, like Live Free or Die Hard and Terminator: Salvation). Unfortunately, the lesson that Hollywood learned here is that audiences want PG-13 and accessible entertainment...sigh. Whether Watchmen was perfect or not, it should have succeeded for the greater good. Shame.
But as for real life: as I was sitting at LaGuardia Airport last Tuesday on my way home from New York, my boss called me to let me know that my co-worker had been laid off. This is notable when you have a team of only three people to start and now one of them is gone. The news was pretty damn shocking...my co-worker had often been difficult when it came to working together, but she was always good at her job and very smart about messaging and everything (and I liked her personally). And now, she was being escorted out of the building. Holy shit.
I won't go through every thought that came to mind as I flew home that day, but basically, I was both shocked and intimidated: with my co-worker gone, I was now in line for a) a lot of opportunities and b) a lot of new work (and/or c] WAAAAAHHHH THE SQUID!!!). And lo, when I went back to work on Wednesday, both were waiting for me. Everyone has said that this is an excellent opportunity for me, and they're right: if I do well, it's been semi-explicitly said that I'll get a promotion in the next few months (along with the requisite raise) and possibly even my co-worker's office. I'm already having any and all lame administrative duties taken off of my shoulders immediately (and put on to a nearby assistant...sucks for her).
Of course, there's also the fear of doing badly. I mean, my ex-co-worker was smart and did her job well, and I felt like I was still learning quite a bit from her (and my boss) in the ways of Marketing. But now, I'm being thrown into the deep end and everyone assumes that I'll swim, but I fear that I'll drown. Um...but that's just a fear. I'm sure it'll be fine. I'm just a bit tense at the moment while I wrap my head around everything that my ex-co-worker did and everything that I do. This past week was a little tricky as I started to gauge the scope of my new responsibilities and this coming week will be equally hectic.
So it's a good thing I went on vacation when I did, because I'm apparently not going anywhere for quite some time (and I also missed the day of layoffs, thankfully...). So that's that for now...though I have to say, with everything that's going on, blogging from work may not be as frequent an occurrence. But then, my boss will be out of the office for two weeks at the end of the month for his wedding, so maybe I'll have some time then...or maybe I won't, as I'll be the only person on our team (team now = me and my boss) in the office. Neat!
It appears that it's been six days since my last post, which is a result of being on vacation and not having that magic combination of alone time and constant internet access...probably a good thing. But I should probably recap my trip to this point...the last time I wrote, I was in Cleveland, so lots has happened (relatively speaking). However, especially with Daylight Savings Time, I find my hourglass running out of sand on this trip and there's still a lot to do before I leave tomorrow. I'm currently in my hotel room here in New York but soon must shower and get to Times Square. So bulletpoints it is:
- Syracuse is still a great city. However, as much as I love it for nostalgic and general reasons, I don't know if I could live there (or anywhere in upstate New York) for more than a little bit. It's strange: I'm not someone who goes out every night (or every weekend...) or basks in the company of others all the time, but I still like being in a big city (sorry, alleged "city" of Auburn). I still maintain that I want to own a home in Syracuse when I'm rich and famous, but I'd probably only be there for a few weeks out of a year.
- Upstate New York is a very pretty place, but it's also weird to have to negotiate country roads to get places. Also, snow is cold, albeit pretty.
- It was very good to see Jim and Jennie again, along with their two kids. It was also a sad reminder that they don't live in Los Angeles anymore, even if it did feel like little to no time had passed. They have a lovely home, though, and it seems like a nice place for kids to grow up (the house and the "city"). And yes, the baby present is still coming and they will love it.
- I do love Wegmans. With my whole heart.
- Why do tiny airports like Syracuse Airport have free wi-fi internet access while big places like LAX and LaGuardia make you pay?
- I love New York City. However, I do see that it's not the perfect place that I sometimes remember it being when I'm in Los Angeles. In LA, one rarely has to see people and one gets soft in a variety of ways...but in New York, one always sees people and it can be maddening, which can then lead to an edginess (I was going to say "it makes one hard," but that sounds wrong). I enjoy the relative ease of subways, particularly when drunk, but I hate waiting for them, standing on them amidst a crushing crowd, not being able to control the temperature of them, the steamy heat of the tunnels, the disgusting poles one holds, being held between stations without any control over the situation, and the fact that you can't easily get from Williamsburg to Park Slope without going back into Manhattan. That doesn't mean that I suddenly love to drive everywhere again, but there is a certain charm to getting in one's car and controlling the situation (mostly).
- Watchmen is a good movie that I still give a "B+", but I see how it's a bit misguided in some ways. I missed the part at the end of the book wherein Ozymandias asked Dr. Manhattan if he did the right thing. Instead, in the movie, Ozymandias kind of just says shit out loud, answering a question no one asked: "I feel bad for everyone, but I live with that." Also, the fact that the heroes that aren't Dr. Manhattan are able to take punishing beatings and fly across rooms when punched and jump fifty feet from a building and land on their feet with little to no effort...it does seem to miss the point of the book. But overall, I still basically feel like, yep, that's pretty much Watchmen up there on the screen. I wasn't blown away as I was with Dark Knight (the movie to which Watchmen keeps getting compared), but overall, I have to respect Zack Snyder's ability to get this movie made the way it is.
- He's Just Not That Into You, on the other hand (which I saw as part of an unintentional double feature with Watchmen), was not good. Damn, it was long and it felt like the Schindler's List of romantic comedies. I said that to some friends afterwards and they asked me why I felt that way, and all I could do was sputter about it being "depressing." Well, yes, calling it the "Schindler's List of romantic comedies" is hyperbole for effect, but it was still depressing...but on a personal, specific-to-me level. Maybe that's because I identified with the awkward, foolish girl who threw herself out there, only to watch her buck the odds to have a happy romantic ending. I guess the movie made me feel bad because it wasn't so much about "dating is hard, but it's okay" as it was about "dating is hard, but you get a happy ending when you find someone, just like these characters all did...but you have to find someone and have meet-cutes and fun stories to tell and no one has to resort to JDate or sad blind dates that go nowhere." Blah...I was hoping for a movie that would make me feel better about dating and being single, and instead, it was a movie about all the same trite bullshit that happens in the worst romantic comedies.
- Also, I saw Watchmen in IMAX...I had never seen a movie in IMAX before, so it was quite the experience. It's interesting, though: it seems like they just blow up the 35mm print to enormous size, so while it's huge, I feel like you lose some detail and/or the contrast gets fucked up. I mean, it was cool and I'll probably seek IMAX screenings out in the future, but it didn't make the movie look better necessarily...just bigger. Maybe it was different with The Dark Knight in IMAX, as it had portions that were specifically shot in 70mm.
- I love food in New York. Everyone seems to unanimously agree that LA has better sushi...and I don't really like sushi.
- It's been good to see my friends...I don't know if I can make a judgment call and say "oh, it was better to come now than at New Year's because of x, y and z," but I do know that I wouldn't have seen Kalin had I come at New Year's, and it was very good to see him. It's been good to see everyone...it's nice to be reminded that I have friends, which is something I often forget in Los Angeles. I like game nights and Sunday dinners and drinking outings and random Hoboken parties and the like...I know one might suggest that I find that sort of thing in Los Angeles, but it's not easy, particularly since LA is notoriously difficult for meeting people.
- Speaking of random Hoboken parties, Andrea and I went to a St. Patrick's Day parade/party on Saturday out there. No, it wasn't actually St. Patrick's Day, but tell that to thousands of New Yorkers/New Jersians (?). I guess it's a Hoboken tradition to celebrate prior to the day itself. Anyway, it was a lot of fun and was apparently like a college party, according to Andrea (I went to college parties, but an NYU party is different than a UF party...). I had about eight beers and then felt like my bladder was going to explode on the PATH train back to Manhattan. But yeah, lots of fun...I also got to flirt with a cute girl for a while, only to discover that she had a husband (and a cancer-eating dragon tattoo). Also, there was a drunk girl on the street and her friend standing over her yelling "You're ruining it!" Good times.
- I can't remember the word, but we learned the word for "speaking badly about someone in a biography" last night. It's my new favorite word.
I think that's all for now. I should get going and start my last day here in the city...tomorrow I return to Los Angeles and then back to work on Wednesday. I don't know how I feel about any of that.
Well, I'm in Cleveland, so I'm pretty set on going on my vacation now. It's currently 7 in the morning (which is 4 in the morning for me) and my red eye flight arrived early, about 45 minutes ago. I'm now sitting in Concourse D here at the Cleveland Airport, waiting for my 9 AM flight to Syracuse. And if that's not enough exposition for you, it was also snowing as we were landing and it looks like it's going to be a crisp winter day here in Ohio.
I'm feeling a bit out of sorts at the moment, given that, a scant eight hours ago or so, I was sitting in 72-degree weather at home, and now I'm in the middle of snow and cold and it's 4 o'clock in the morning. What the fuck. Maybe next time I go on a vacation, it'll be somewhere comfortable and/or hospitable. Actually, I'm quite enjoying seeing snow again. I can't remember the last time I was amidst snow. It didn't snow when I was in New York for New Year's last year...well, it's been years. So it's a welcome sight, as long as it doesn't delay my flight or keep me from driving to see Jim and Jennie.
It's weird, though: I thought I would be more tired right now. As I've said, it's still the middle of the night for me, and although I got a decent nap yesterday afternoon, I only slept on and off for about two hours on the flight itself (for which I am actually incredibly grateful...I usually can't sleep on planes). Yet here I am, pretty awake and alert...I don't think it's all due to the coffee I just ingested, either. My body is so weird when it comes to sleep and rest and the like: even if I'm exhausted, when it's light out, my body wants to be awake, but when it gets dark, I sprint for my bed and detest it when anything gets in my way. I have issues.
But it's easy to be awake now...I don't really have a choice. It's later today that I have to wonder about. I mean, the current plan is to get a cab to my aunt and uncle's house in Syracuse when I arrive and take a nap for a few hours, then shower and take my uncle's car to Auburn to see Jim and Jennie, probably arriving around 5 or 6 PM. But the way I'm feeling now, I feel like I could get to my aunt and uncle's house, shower and be on my way without the nap. But that's probably a terrible idea...and it's also still about four hours until I get to their house, so I'll see how I'm feeling then (probably not so good). Plus, Jim and Jennie have their kids, so the only "adult time" we'll have (you know, to curse and get naked and stuff) is after they go to sleep...so it just wouldn't do if I fell asleep at the same time as the kids.
Anyway, although I still have the "tiny airplane" flight into Syracuse left to go, I'm actually pretty grateful that the red eye/lengthy portion of my trip to the northeast is complete. As I think I've said before, I hate the "travel" part of traveling, and it's frustrating to have to go on long flights to see my friends and family on the east coast. So I'm glad that I've already made it to Eastern Time and have but a hop, skip and a jump into my first destination. And indeed, like I said, I'm very glad that the awful red eye portion is done...I hate red eye flights. But this one was okay...especially when this really attractive girl (and her stupid boyfriend) sat next to me. The best part was when she fell asleep and curled up on my leg for a few minutes...it was awkward, as I was drifting in and out of sleep, but was awake when she moved to my leg. I kept my eyes shut, though, because it would have been uncomfortable to let her boyfriend know that I was awake but wasn't doing anything to move his girlfriend from my leg. Good times.
Wow, the sun sure has come up through the early morning clouds, and is now shining directly on my computer screen. I guess I'll go for now...I still have about an hour until they board my flight, but I guess I can walk around and learn about...Cleveland? It seems nice, I guess...maybe I'll buy a Cleveland snowglobe for one of my lucky friends....
Okay, with the Sex/Hugs part out of the way, we can now move on to the Rock & Roll part of the equation. Of course, I'm not going to defend my musical choices as "rock and roll," a label that suggests skull-reverberating awesomeness, like Led Zeppelin or The Who and whatnot. I'm hardly a true rock and roll connoisseur. My song selections are probably embarrassing, though I don't know why. I'll freely admit that I'm not up to date with the very latest bands or trends (when the whole Chris Brown/Rihanna thing happened, my first thought was, "Who are those people?" And then: "What songs have they done?" I still don't really know the answers to either of those questions).
But I'll also say that I like what I like and I don't particularly care what anyone says. One song that you won't find below but I happen to like a great deal: My Heart Will Go On by Celine Dion. I'm okay with that...and you should be too, if you're going to read on. I admit: if some moron posted their 10 favorite movies and the list consisted of things like Transformers, Wanted, Knocked Up and/or Madea Goes To Jail (really, America?), I'd get a little irritated. But I don't think my musical taste is quite that dire...or maybe it is. Whatever.
So the below list isn't really in any specific order. As much as I love making lists, I also have trouble saying that this song is better than this song when it comes to my favorites. I'm also limiting the list to my 10 favorite songs and am trying to use only one example of a band/artist...that is to say, if I love Jailhouse Rock and Fools Rush In, both by Elvis, I'd only put one on the list proper. However, given that I do love several songs from several of the below bands/artists, I'm including a "runner-up" category...so if I listed Fools Rush In on the list, I'd say that Jailhouse Rock was a runner-up from Elvis.
Anyway...I now present my list of Favorite Songs (by the way, if you want to listen to the songs and still read the post at the same time, I suggest right-clicking on the song icons and selecting Open Link In New Tab...that way, the song opens in a new tab and you can listen while reading, and then click through to the Next Song on the song page for the next songs or repeat the right-clicking for each song you want to hear):
"All Over You," Live
I've already discussed this song and my love for it, but here it is again...no list of my favorite songs would be complete without All Over You. I think I first heard this song during my senior year of high school...it might have been on the radio and it might have been off the actual album itself (I think Tina had a copy), but either way, the song just screams high school for me. A lot of the songs on this list might scream high school, actually, which isn't surprising...I don't remember where I heard it, but someone once said that a lot of our favorite things are set when we get to high school and college, which is why most people identify their favorite movies, songs, books, etc as being experienced during that period of time. So I'll forgive my sister when, ten years from now, she lists some Forever The Sickest Kids song as her favorite...it's just human nature.
But All Over You...fuck, I love this song. And that was even before I read the interpretation of the lyrics and realized that it is, in fact, a song about me, in that it's a song about being in love with someone who doesn't love you back (again, there are multiple interpretations, but that's my favorite). I remember blasting this song as I drove from Sarasota to the University of Central Florida in Orlando to visit Tina during my senior year of high school and her freshman year of college. I was in my parents' green minivan and I had this song up to full volume as I blasted down the East-West Expressway, and I'll admit, I was singing along. This song just makes me happy...it's one of those songs that just makes you love the fact that songs exist.
I will admit that Hold Me Up, listed below, is rapidly ascending my ladder of love when it comes to Live songs, and is likely close to equaling All Over You in my estimation. However, All Over You gets the edge because of its context and the fact that it's already lasted almost a full decade as one of my favorites.
Other Favorites From Live: Run to the Water, The Dolphin's Cry, Dance With You, Overcome, Hold Me Up
"Leave," R.E.M.
I think the reason I'm only choosing one song per artist/band is because it would be very easy for me to fill up a Top 10 list with songs from just Live, R.E.M., U2 and Foo Fighters. I guess one could say that those are my favorite four bands, even though I know very little about the people behind the music. But that being said, it's a bit of a challenge to choose just one song from each of those bands as my "favorite," and I think that R.E.M. provides the most difficult choice.
As I'll discuss below, I love me some Sweetness Follows, some Losing My Religion, some Everybody Hurts and others, but I guess I'll choose Leave as the representative in the winner's circle. Maybe that's because Leave is semi-epic (7:18) and feels more anthemic than some of those others. I am a sucker for a good "stadium rock" song. But then there are also the lyrics themselves:
Lift me, lift me,
I attain my dream
I lost myself, I lost the
Heartache calling me
I lost myself in sorrow
I lost myself in pain
I lost myself in clarity,
Memory, leave, leave
I'm not an authority on R.E.M. lyrics...in fact, I think I remember one of my friends once saying that Michael Stipe often purposefully wrote confusing lyrics. But from my basic reading comprehension skills, Leave appears to be a song that speaks to, well, leaving something/someone behind and other frustrated emotions. I first heard this song while out here in Los Angeles and it's just a good song to blast in the car after a frustrating day. I wouldn't say that Leave is as defining as something like Losing My Religion, but I think my current worldview leans more in this direction than, say, Shiny Happy People.
Other Favorites From R.E.M.: Losing My Religion, Everybody Hurts, Sweetness Follows, It's The End Of The World As We Know It (And I Feel Fine)
Not only is Everybody Hurts just a great song when you're throwing yourself a massive pity-party, but it also reminds of a movie my friends and I made in high school entitled Dangerous Mines, wherein one of the characters slit her wrists after a relatively absurd series of events while this song played on the soundtrack. An easy laugh, perhaps, but it still makes me smile. Sweetness Follows...I have to admit, I first heard this song in Vanilla Sky, but that doesn't diminish its greatness as a song (and actually, I liked Vanilla Sky). It's The End Of The World As We Know It (And I Feel Fine), well, who doesn't like this song? I debated including The One I Love here, too, but I'm still trying to limit the "additional favorites" songs, too...I mean, really, I would have been okay including that song, Shiny Happy People, What's The Frequency Kenneth?, Bad Day, Man on the Moon, Nightswimming, Strange Currencies...there are so many great R.E.M. songs (though I will use this platform to once again express my disappointment about Radio Song...it starts off as an amazing song and then devolves into crap...fucking Radio Song). And then there's Losing My Religion, which, in my opinion, is the band's signature song. It also happened to be one of my late stepdad's favorite songs, so I tend to think of him whenever I hear it now (/maudlin sentiment).
"My Hero," Foo Fighters
Damn Varsity Blues...they took this awesome song and slapped it on some lame-ass, forgettable football scene, and for a while, people associated this song with that wretched movie (remember? James Van Der Beek..."Ah don't wahnt yoahr life"?). It was actually a challenge to decide between this song and Everlong for Foo Fighters' entry on this list. I think, ultimately, this song got the nod because a) the whole high school thing again, and b) it's just fucking awesome. Sure, Everlong is great, but My Hero is just one of those songs that builds and builds until it explodes in a semi-coherent eruption of lyrics, guitar and drums.
Quick story: I worked at a Publix Supermarket during high school, and if you're familiar with the Sarasota area, it was the one at Palmer Ranch, with the large glass and metal facade in the front. As one gets easily bored while being a cashier, I would often imagine a Die Hard-esque action movie taking place in the spacious and relatively sleek store, wherein a group of terrorists would take over the store for the safe (yes, the local supermarket safe) and only one plucky cashier was there to stop them. Eventually, with the whole parking lot filled with cops, fire trucks and onlookers, and with the entire terrorist team stopped, the movie ended with the plucky cashier and the lead bad guy facing off as the cashier held a familiar detonator in his hand. The cashier would raise the detonator to eye level so the bad guy could see how his once foolproof escape plan was now in the hands of the good guy, and the cashier would utter his triumphant words: "Paper...or plastique?" And then the cashier would set off the C4, which would blow up the entire front of the store, which somehow meant that the bad guy lost (I don't know how that works, but it did). Anyway, this whole thing would then involve motorcycles somehow and, in my head, it was all scored with My Hero. The end. (Whatever, I was 16 years old...not that my cinematic tastes have necessarily become more refined, but....)
Anyway...great song and one of my favorites...though I have to say, I saw Foo Fighters live last year and recently got a copy of their Wembley Stadium performance on Blu-ray, and it irks me slightly that Dave Grohl has the crowd sing part of this song every time. I guess it's sort of cool, but I just wanted to hear them demolish this one in a gigantic stadium without "backup singers."
Other Favorites From Foo Fighters: Everlong (regular and acoustic), The Best of You
Again, Everlong is definitely my second favorite Foo Fighters song...the regular version, that is. However, the acoustic version is not without merit, so I'll include it here. And then there's The Best Of You, which is more recent, but I find myself liking it a great deal. It's interesting: I really like a bunch of Foo Fighters songs (Next Year, Learning to Fly, The Pretender, Walking After You), but I wouldn't call them "other favorites." Still, great band.
"The Sweetest Thing," U2
I actually tend to think about Sandra when I hear this song, oddly enough. I think that's because I brought this song into my collection around the time when I had my crush on her, and the lyric "Blue-eyed boy meets a brown-eyed girl" seemed appropriate, which then led to the entire song feeling appropriate. This song also reminds me of my semester abroad in London during college, as all of that Sandra stuff happened around then. It's a simple, yet effective, song, and although it might feel like heresy to name it as my favorite U2 song...oh well. Frankly, I don't think I've really loved anything of theirs since their 2000 album, All That You Can't Leave Behind. I just heard their recent single on the radio...eh. But certainly, their earlier work still blows me away.
Other Favorites From U2: Pride (In The Name of Love), All I Want Is You, Sunday Bloody Sunday, Mysterious Ways, Hold Me, Thrill Me, Kiss Me, Kill Me
But the real song is pretty great, too. And Hold Me, Thrill Me, Kiss Me, Kill Me, well, that's just residual Batman Forever/summer 1995 nostalgia right there. It also happens to be a good song, but it's the nostalgia that puts it over the top. All I Want Is You also happens to be a good song, but it also reminds me of the "Len-umentary" I did in college, which was a short documentary about my friend Len's desire to become a rock star. At the end of the piece, he performed the song in Union Square for a small group of park-goers.
And while they didn't make the above list, I would also recommend Beautiful Day (which was so over-used in the early 2000s), Everlasting Love, Discotheque, and of course, With Or Without You, all of which could have easily made my list above (in addition to Bono's backup singing on some random version of Fools Rush In). I used to like The Hands That Built America quite a bit, but now...not so much.
"Glycerine," Bush
So it shouldn't be surprising that I didn't often listen to the radio before high school, and it should help explain why Glycerine stuck in my head as one of the first songs I fell in love with from the radio. It's a moody song, to be sure, and seems to basically be about someone beating themself up over a failed relationship. But its evocative lyrics, keen electric guitar and raspy singing combined with its "woe is me" aesthetic just makes me swoon like a 12 year old emo girl. But I don't think it's necessarily a "guilty pleasure"...I think of all the "wah wah lost love" songs out there, this is one of the absolute best. Maybe it's because it seems to have a touch of anger to it, maybe it's because of the semi-poetic lyrics, maybe it's the "hey, we're both to blame here" and "love is crazy" sentiment. Or maybe it's because the song is inexorably linked to my time with Tina and rang in my head when things were falling apart. But it's more than just that...if it had just been that, it would have fallen away with my feelings for her. No, it's just a great song...not something I would choose for a party, but a great song nonetheless.
Also, one of the few funny things The Simpsons has done in the last decade was a semi-parody of this song in their otherwise-miserable 90s episode:
Other Favorites From Bush: Come Down, Machinehead, The Chemicals Between Us
I think Come Down probably at least equals Glycerine in terms of my affection, but again, due to its context and history, Glycerine gets the edge. Plus, it's hard to listen to Come Down and not hear him saying "I don't wanna come back down from this clown," especially near the end when he's just yelling "This clown! This clown!" (It's supposed to be "cloud.") But it's an amazing song and would definitely be an alternate choice for Bush. Machinehead and The Chemicals Between Us...I don't think I have any stories about them, but they're just great songs. I don't know where Bush (the band, that is) stands in the world of music today, but I'm pretty fond of the few songs I've heard (also including Mouth, Out Of This World and The People That We Love [Speed Kills], which was originally just called Speed Kills, but had the misfortune to be released either on or just after September 11th, 2001, so it was renamed).
"Tonight, Tonight," The Smashing Pumpkins
I would be remiss in not including a Smashing Pumpkins song on this list. While most of my peers latched onto this definitive 90s band pretty early on (I remember going trick-or-treating with two friends in 1995 or so and one of them broke someone's pumpkin and made a Smashing Pumpkins joke...I didn't get it), I have to admit that I didn't open my eyes to their magnificence until around late high school...and by then, I think it was too late and they had closed up shop. Whoops.
But that doesn't mean that I didn't take several of their songs to heart and love them every bit as much as my contemporaries. However, it actually wasn't difficult to choose which Smashing Pumpkins song was my "favorite"...as much as I love Today, 1979, Bullet With Butterfly Wings, etc., Tonight, Tonight is by far my favorite. I can't wholly explain why...the only thing that comes to mind is that it's the "cleanest." Like, it starts off big and grabs you right away, and then soothes you a little bit, and then finishes huge...it's a clean structure, or something. And maybe like with Leave, it's anthemic...without getting too hifalutin about it, it feels like the anthem of, if not our generation, then at least of my high school class, in a way. It seems to cry out for just doing and living and not taking bullshit, and that just seems to resonate when I think about the promise my graduating high school class possessed. Plus, it's just a fucking great song (and has an awesome music video):
Other Favorites From The Smashing Pumpkins: Today, 1979, Disarm, Bullet With Butterfly Wings
I saw Smashing Pumpkins in concert last year (at the same concert as Foo Fighters...it was kind of awesome). Well, I saw what was left of Smashing Pumpkins, which was Billy Corgan and some other people. I seem to remember that they did sing Tonight, Tonight and Today, but a lot of it was new stuff...it wasn't good. That being said, I do have a sneaking fondness for Honestly and Heartsong by Zwan (Billy Corgan's pet project circa 2003).
But in terms of classic Smashing Pumpkins songs, I would also highly recommend Today (apparently written on the worst day of Billy Corgan's life, which makes it deliciously wry), 1979 (which has the unfortunate distinction of being the last song heard by a girl who was a few years older than me at school who died in a car crash...the driver, another student, survived...still a good song, though), Disarm and Bullet With Butterfly Wings. It's odd: once you get past the obvious Tonight, Tonight, Today and 1979, I tend to mix up which song goes with which title. But weirdly unmemorable titles aside, these two are highly recommended (if you, like me, sat out musical pop culture in the 1990s and are now making up for lost time).
"We Built This City On Rock and Roll," Starship
Let's go a little bit further back in time for a moment, leaving the trappings of the 1990s. Let's travel back to the halcyon days of 1985. Back to the Future was lighting up movie screens everywhere, Ronald Reagan was getting into his usual predicaments, and Night Court was still blissfully on the air. Amidst all of this excitement, Jefferson Starship changed their name to just Starship and released We Built This City On Rock and Roll, off of their "Knee Deep In The Hoopla" album. And lo, it was good.
But why, out of all the thousands of awesome 80s songs, did I choose this semi-relic as one of my absolute favorites? Well, the answer is two-fold: 1) it's a good song, and 2) it has great nostalgic value for me (ah, nostalgia...where would I be without it?). Permit me to put my "personal story-telling" hat on for a moment and say that I remember my mom picking me up from pre-school and bringing me home, where she would put this song on (on the record player, no less) and we would sing and dance around the living room. A cheesy memory, perhaps, but if it makes it easier for you to swallow, then remember that my parents had recently gotten a divorce around this time. It's a nice memory of a different time...and it doesn't hurt that the song is a lot of fun. I'm not sure if I would label it as one of my favorites without that memory, but I'd still like the song a whole bunch.
Other Favorites From Starship: Sarah
To be honest, I don't really have other favorites from Starship...after my mom and I listened to We Built This City On Rock and Roll, we would sometimes let the record keep going on to Sarah (which is a good song, but not a favorite), but after that, I don't remember a single song from that album.
"Signal Fire," Snow Patrol
But this song...I don't know why, but I love it so. It's another of these "love is crazy!" sort of songs, wherein the lead singer appears to be, as my friend Chris once put it about another song, "wheedling for the booty." And yet...I have to say, if there's a recent band that piques my interest, I think it might be Snow Patrol. All of their songs sort of follow the same path (quiet, loud, quiet, REALLY LOUD) and have similar themes, but I really love their stuff so far, and this song is my favorite of theirs. That's not to say that I don't like other contemporary songs and artists/bands, but Snow Patrol just seems to snuggle up to that part of me that's a big, soft girl...and I love them for it. Fuck yeah, I'm including Signal Fire on my list, and I'd do it again!
Other Favorites From Snow Patrol: Run, If There's A Rocket Tie Me To It, Chasing Cars, Open Your Eyes
I think the first time I heard Run was on the way to see Wicked with my friend Val, her fiance (now husband...) Andrew and Val's sister. I remember asking Val's sister what song it was (it was on the radio) and she introduced me to the world of Snow Patrol. I don't remember how Chasing Cars came about, but Open Your Eyes was used in the Stop-Loss trailer and If There's A Rocket Tie Me To It is from their new album. Mmm hmm, that's some good Snow Patrol.
Gee, only two spaces left...and yet, so many songs on my list from which to choose. I guess now's a good a time as any to say that I'm still skeptical of a favorites list when it comes to entertainment. I mean, yes, the ten songs I'm listing here are definitely favorites, but I'm leaving plenty of songs off the list (and even off the "other songs" list) that are still awesome and are potential favorites, given the right circumstances. I mean, at this point, it looks like I'm going to have to leave (Don't You) Forget About Me by Simple Minds off the main list, and I love that song. So while I wouldn't say that this has all been an exercise in futility, I will say that the very concept of a list is flawed, though I'll try to play by the rules for the sake of the experiment.
"Neighborhood #1 (Tunnels)," The Arcade Fire
But if I had to link a song to my time with Krystal, outside of a few incidental tunes that remind me of her (she loved Dream On by Aerosmith, she made me a mix CD with some great songs on it), I suppose Neighborhood #1 (Tunnels) might be that song...even though it's sort of not. I mean, the song itself has little to do with her and I'm not associating the lyrics with any of our experiences. It's just that the song was recent and in heavy rotation in my car when I was with her, so while I could assign the song to my time with her, I could also assign it to my move to Los Angeles, which happened at the same time. But I do remember a night at her apartment on Staten Island when I was in town for Thanksgiving of 2004 and we were lying in bed, listening to my mix CDs, and I wanted her to hear this song.
Memories aside, it's just a great song, particularly when the singer seems unable to contain himself any longer around 3:41 and the song explodes into a joyful release for the remainder. I listened to this song so many times and, in what appears to be a common theme here, it made me happy. It was so evocative and new...I just fell in love with the song.
Other Favorites From The Arcade Fire: Intervention
For someone who supposedly loved Neighborhood #1 (Tunnels) so very much, I can't say that I've really followed the band's new songs or heard much more from them, aside from Intervention, which is also pretty damn great. I should probably try to hear a few more tracks....
"Fake Plastic Trees," Radiohead
Oh hey, it displays the album art! Huh.
Anyway, I debated between choosing something more "off the beaten path" for the last slot and something a bit more well-known and, dare I say, obvious. But really, I think I would have chosen something else only out of a need to seem "cool" and "cutting-edge"...which I'm not. I love Fake Plastic Trees, and even though my list is a bit emotional and/or love-friendly, well, that's a decent representation of who I am. Besides, this is an awesome song, and like the best songs, it's even a bit sad...the common interpretation seems to be about someone (or people in general) who has to be fake to get ahead or make people like them and they hate it. That's pretty tragic. So great melody + subversive/deep lyrics = great song, and therefore, it makes the list. All right, I feel pretty comfortable with the inclusion of this song.
Other Favorites From Radiohead: Talk Show Host, How To Disappear Completely, Exit Music (For A Film), Ideoteque
There are plenty of people in the world who know more about Radiohead and their songs than me, so I'll leave it to them to say what's truly the best from the band. All I know is that I love the above songs. I first heard Ideoteque on the way to the Dallas Airport in the summer of 2003, as my friend Cassie's then-boyfriend was playing it in the car (I was there to work on Cassie's student film), while I can't quite recall the source of How To Disappear Completely...but for some reason, I think of Ashley when I hear that song. Not because of the content, but...was she playing it at some point? Maybe I heard it when I was at Pratt? I don't remember.
Talk Show Host and Exit Music (For A Film) were both used in the 1996 Romeo + Juliet, and while I didn't care for Talk Show Host at the time, I immediately fell in love with the more somber Exit Music. Talk Show Host kind of grew on me, though, and now I like it quite a bit. I would also recommend Creep and/or Everything In Its Right Place, but not as much as I would recommend the above.
So...that's my list. And again, it's such a partial list, really. Not only could many of the "runner-up" songs be bumped up to a favorite (alongside the actual favorite, not in place of), but there are several songs that could be listed as favorites that just...weren't: Eternal Flame, Better Man, Siren, I'll Fall With Your Knife, Yeah! Oh Yeah!, Fix You...even Hanging By A Moment, which used to be a joke, but now I actually love the song without irony. Maybe one day I'll come back and list a few more.
However, any list of favorite songs would be incomplete without the following track. I didn't include it on the list proper because we're talking about actual songs, but the below piece of score is possibly my favorite piece of music ever. Perhaps I'll circle back in a while and talk about my favorite moments from film scores, but the following piece deserves to be on any list of aural favorites, whether it applies or not.
I think my favorite score soundtrack of all time would probably have to be the 1989 Batman score by Danny Elfman. Sure, Elfman's 1992 score for Batman Returns has raced up the charts and probably sits almost next to the original score, but again, the original score wins out because of its, well, originality. Plus, the Batman score hit me during a very formative time in my life and has become such a part of my mental soundtrack...I think the only thing that even comes close to equaling the Batman score in my estimation is the Back to the Future theme (they're probably on par with one another, actually).
And out of the entire Batman score, my favorite moment by far is the Finale: Vicki Vale gets in the car, Alfred informs her that Mr. Wayne "might be a little late," she smiles and coos that she's "not a bit surprised." Then, as the car drives away, the camera ascends above the dirt and grime of Gotham while this triumphant, incredible score plays, and rests on Batman, standing high above the city, watching as the Batsignal gleams against the clouds. (I tried to find a YouTube clip of this, but they all sucked or were from The Dark Knight...damn kids today.) It's a moment that never fails to energize me. I remember when my mom was in charge of the Syracuse University Film Center for a while and I would visit and watch movies in their screening room, I put on my VHS tape of Batman and watched this 50-second piece over and over again at full volume...my mom had to come in and tell me that people were trying to work and I should turn the volume down. So imagine my glee when I watched the Blu-ray of Batman last week and saw the scene in crisp high definition with perfect, lossless 5.1 TrueHD audio...glorious.
Anyway...this is the track. It really starts being "my favorite" at :59....
And there you have it.
This may be a long post, so buckle in, if you're so inclined.
First off, I can only shake my head in amazement at the amusing machinations of irony: you may recall that, in December, I postponed my trip to New York because of the severe winter storms that were occurring in the area. I then rescheduled my trip for early March because, while still technically winter, it was less likely that there would be such dangerous weather at that time. Well, now it's early March, and lo and behold, a severe snowstorm has appeared out of nowhere and will hit the east coast (and a bit into New York State) all day tomorrow...the day of my flights to Syracuse. OH THE IRONY. Truly, it's like rain on my wedding day.
Furthermore, the airline sent me an e-mail this afternoon explaining that my flight from LAX to Newark tomorrow was unceremoniously canceled. However, they also confirmed me on a red eye flight from LAX to Cleveland tomorrow night and then on a connecting flight into Syracuse, getting me there about 18 hours later than originally planned. But that's okay...I've already made plans to nap after arriving in Syracuse (I hate red eye flights and can't really sleep on planes, but I'll do them as long as I have a place to nap when I arrive) and I've shifted my schedule around to accommodate the change. Not so bad...knock on wood....
And really, I would rather the airline outright cancel a flight if they feel that a) there could be danger or b) it could be horrendously delayed, especially if they're going to automatically book me on a new flight. As I said, I do hate red eye flights and would have at least liked the option of an earlier flight (I feel that red eye flights shouldn't be forced onto people, as not everyone can handle it), but whatever. Bottom line: I'm still going on my vacation.
And sort-of speaking of unexpected warm fronts, I accidentally overheard my neighbors having sex yesterday morning (a ham-handed segue, I know, but it was too good to pass up). This actually wasn't the first time I had heard them...it was the second. The first time was probably back in August or September when I was reading in bed late one Saturday night and I heard the unmistakable noises of passion through the wall (my apartment is at the corner of the building, so I only have one set of next door neighbors). It was awkward and I quickly turned on my white noise machine (left over from my old apartment where my then-neighbor was the last human being on Earth to own an an actual answering machine and she left it on the loudest setting all the time...plus, she talked on the phone all night and laughed really loudly...what a bitch).
Unfortunately, I was trapped in my bathroom this time, brushing my teeth...when I started hearing the bed creaking and the woman moaning, I stopped what I was doing not out of prurient interest but out of a desire to keep them from hearing my sink running and realizing how easily we could hear each other. So there I stood, frozen, hoping it would end...and it didn't. It just kept going for a while until I could stand it no longer and I finished brushing my teeth and went about my business.
So why write about this brief little incident at all? Well...it was upsetting, actually. It wasn't some Saturday night drunken physical free-for-all...it was 10:30 on Saturday morning. I've never actually met or seen my neighbors (thankfully...I don't know if they like me, what with my early morning stationary bike rides), so it's not like I had an unpleasant image in my head or anything. No...it was more the idea of a faceless happy couple, waking up late on a Saturday morning and having sex, then lying in bed and talking until they get up for their weekend errands. And there I was, brushing my teeth, having woken up at 6:30, alone, getting ready to go food shopping by myself. Maybe some people would get a brief little thrill out of hearing strangers doing it...I just got sad.
Which leads me to part of my discussion tonight, and I apologize in advance if it's somehow icky or off-putting or distasteful, but I feel the need to get it out on "paper." So if sex-talk makes you uncomfortable, skip down a few paragraphs and save yourself from this discussion about such a wicked biological urge. And as always, I'll try not to be graphic...that's not cool.
So...I have an embarrassing semi-secret. It's really not a secret at all, but it's also not something that I generally talk about with random people or that I would splatter online as my Facebook status or anything. But the thing is, I haven't actually had sex in a little over three years. It's this fact that haunts me whenever I see or hear about happy couples or inadvertently overhear my neighbors having sex or even see sex in movies...it eats away at me and helps drive my disappointment with every Jamie, Monica or Annie that comes along. It's a basic human desire/need and it's just not something I'm currently able to do (which isn't to say that I can't do it...oh, I can...but you really need another person to do it, and that's where I get stumped).
And it's not like the last time I had sex was really terribly special. Again, I won't go into too many details, but basically, I had recently broken up with my then-girlfriend Krystal and was pretty disillusioned when it came to dating. Between Tina (who had dumped me) and Krystal (whom I had dumped), I just didn't see the worth of getting into a relationship when it was either going to end in the pain of rejection or in the pain of rejecting someone. So essentially, I had a bit of a one-night stand...it's not something I'm hugely proud of, but frankly, I don't regret it, either. We were both there for the same reasons and knew what we were getting into, we were both consenting adults, and honestly, I had always kind of wondered what a one-night stand would be like. And now I know: kind of weird, slightly icky, fun while it was happening, but not really something I'd want to do again. But anyway, that was November or December of 2005.
I also don't really have a huge sexual history that keeps me satiated when things get dry, like some sort of sexual cactus. Again, my first girlfriend was Tina, we started dating when I was a sophomore in high school, and really, she was my first everything. It was interesting: at the time, my friends were all mostly virgins or seemingly asexual, so I was one of the first to lose my virginity, and to be frank, Tina and I were having lots of sex. Back then, I sort of thought, "Wow, if I can keep up this level of sexual activity, I'll always be light years ahead of everyone else!" Unfortunately, after Tina dumped me during my freshman year at college, I had a dry spell of about four years, and during that time, all of my friends basically surpassed my efforts tenfold...by now, my meager three bedpost notches are nothing compared to their practically-sawed-through bedposts.
With Tina being my first and my one night stand being the third, that leaves my second girlfriend Krystal as the second...and I won't get into too many details about that. Suffice it to say, it was a tricky relationship that was mostly maintained by long distance efforts...emotionally, I did care about her a great deal, but it was an untenable situation. Given my genuine feelings for her, I don't regret our physicality...but I guess she did/does. Anyway....
So there you have it: my sad little sexual history, packed into a few meager paragraphs. But I'm not even so upset about my past experiences...I'm here to bemoan my current lack of physical intimacy. Why not try for another one night stand? Eh...again, it just wasn't really for me. Plus, given the number of crazy people in the world, I think I was lucky to meet someone who was sane and decent and was actually just looking for the same thing I was looking for. I feel like going out there again would just raise the risk of finding a crazy woman and/or contracting a disease or something...God forbid. Of course, if I did meet some girl at a party or something and stuff happened, well, I don't know if I would be so rational about it all then....
Or maybe I would be...which brings me to my Belgian friend. As you may recall, in January of 2008, my Belgian friend (I don't know why I refrain from using her name, but so it goes) and I were at CES for work and she took me aside to explain that she found me attractive and had a crush on me. Given that she's an attractive girl and that I was getting nowhere with Jamie, I ended up making my way to her hotel room one night, where we started to fool around...but when things moved to the bed, I put a stop to it, explaining that I didn't have romantic feelings for her and that it would be wrong to take advantage of her knowing how she felt about me. This provoked some tears (from her) and an extreme case of blue balls (for me), but it was the right thing to do...I think.
Anyway, without retelling the whole story with all the details again, basically, after that night, she explicitly stated that we should have sex, I rejected her advances again (which was, honestly, one of the most difficult things I've ever done), we got back to Los Angeles, we hung out one night and fooled around again, I felt bad, and since then, we've just been friends. Now she's seeing someone new and we hang out every so often. But to the topic at hand, we never did actually have sex...and lately, I wonder if I made the right choice. I mean, guys have sex with girls they don't like like all the time, right? Why did I say no? Even now, I'm mentally kicking myself for not leaping into bed with her back in Vegas...it would have been awesome. And it's not like I was karmically rewarded for my restraint...after the Belgian girl came Alexandra, who I'll get to in a moment, and then more rejection from Jamie and two failed dates. What the hell?
But would it have been awesome? Sure, the sex would have been great and I would only be complaining that it's been a year since my last sexual exploit instead of three, but...would it have been worth my friendship with the Belgian girl? Of course, we don't even hang out that much nowadays, but I still care about her. The thing is, it's not like it was a simple cut-and-dried scenario...there were emotional issues at play, too, and not mine.... It just would have been wrong. I mean, lots of hookups are "wrong" and guys do them anyway, but I would have regretted hurting her...and I would have had to go through a lot of extra drama when I put my foot down and said "no, we won't be dating" (or we would have dated and it wouldn't have ended well). I mean, if she had just found me attractive and wanted to fuck, that's one thing...but she liked me, and it's not okay to take advantage of that. Ugghhh...stupid morals (or hangups). So no actual sex with her.
And then there was Alexandra...again, it's rude to get into other people's issues and/or personal details in "public," so I'll refrain from providing too much backup here. Bottom line, we didn't have sex. I mean, I think I can at least take some solace in knowing that, hey, I got to "fool around" a bit with two girls in 2008...compared to my dry spell between 2001 and 2005, wherein the most action I got was a chaste kiss from a friend (that would be Sandra...and that's a whole other complicated tale), 2008 could be seen as at least a tiny oasis in the desert of my physicality. But even Alexandra was May of last year...and since then, there's been nothing. Just those two dates, which both ended in sadness (and not even a kiss at the end of either date), and I can't really see anything on the horizon at the moment.
So hearing my neighbors having sex was far from a sexy thrill...it only served to remind me of something that I simply can't have right now. And women aren't like jobs or cars or vacations...I can't negotiate myself into one or schedule one or buy one (hookers are not an option). Hell, I can't even find one that has any degree of physical/emotional interest in me. I just don't know what to do and it makes me so astoundingly sad. And of course it's not just about sex...sex is just a goal amidst goals. But with even fat, ugly jerks getting laid on a regular basis, I just have to wonder what I'm doing wrong.
And speaking of past flames, I got a Facebook invite from Alexandra to attend her voice recital (she's in school to be an opera singer). It's surprising how my first thought was to hop on a plane and attend, then try to get back together with her...again, I don't dislike Alexandra, but our worldviews are pretty different (not to mention the distance thing), and in many ways, we're not an ideal match. And yet.... No, it won't be happening, but I think my apparent interest in getting back together with someone I only recently freed myself from is pretty indicative of my overall desperation.
So...I was going to continue on and start discussing my favorite songs, as promised in a previous post...but that may have to wait for another day. This post is already long enough and it appears to be thematically complete. Seeing as how my flight is now tomorrow night and since I don't intend to go into work tomorrow (fuck it, I'm on vacation), I'll probably have time to elaborate on my favorite songs then....
I've basically mentally checked out at this point. Not at this point in life, mind you, but in terms of this week and at work and whatnot. Sure, it's Friday and all, the obvious brain check-out day, but I've basically been mentally on vacation since about...oh, Tuesday. Monday night, maybe. Luckily, that's because I'm actually going to be on vacation as of 6 PM tonight...and really, not a moment too soon. I don't know if it's because of naturally built-up fatigue/frustration or because I'm itching to get away, but it's going to be a challenge just to get through today. It also hasn't helped that this week has been utter balls in most every respect....
But why dwell on all of that (just because it will all be waiting for me when I return from my vacation)? Clearly, I should celebrate my liberation from the workplace for this brief northeastern respite. And indeed, I am celebrating, as evidenced by my utter lack of interest and engagement in work this past week. I don't know...it's all felt somewhat hollow and pointless this week. Forgive my melodrama, but it's kind of a buzzkill when I get into the mindset that my job is ultimately meaningless and my seemingly-solid relationships with other people are like trite dust in the overused simile that is wind.
And as much as I'm looking forward to my trip (this is my rescheduled trip to Syracuse and New York City) and seeing my friends and old stomping grounds, I can't help but feel a sense of sadness about the whole thing. I miss having Jim and Jennie here in Los Angeles on a permanent basis and my planned two day visit with them next week is a mere crumb off of that relationship pie (oh, my tortured metaphors). And then there are my New York friends...while I would fervently disagree that my move to Los Angeles "took a toll" on my friendships with them (I'd counter that we have a deep reservoir of friendship and that distance won't deplete it), it can be said, at least for my tastes, that my brief seemingly annual visits aren't really enough to fully satisfy. Plus, being amongst friends in the northeast usually serves to amplify the silence when I return to LA.
Well, that was pretty bleak. But what can I say...it's been that kind of week. Fuck it, it's been that kind of year so far. I'm not usually quite so pessimistic (I look at myself as a pessimistic optimist: I want things to be good but I understand that they probably won't be), but I've felt a little beaten down of late.
And now it's the end of the day...the end of a very stressful day. While the first part of this week dawdled along, I found myself soundly slammed with a dumpster-full of work that needs my attention prior to my absence. And now, at 5:06 PM, do I feel that I'm ready for my vacation? Not really...there was one thing that I had told myself that I had to do today and I still haven't had a chance to get to it. Why not do it now instead of writing on my blog? Eh...there's a reason why I left it to the end of the week. Unfortunately, my boss has a 5-6 PM meeting right now, so our final catchup will have to take place after 6...lame. So much for starting my vacation on time....
But boo fucking hoo, I guess...an extra hour or so isn't the end of the world when one has an 11-day respite in front of them. Still, who the fuck schedules a 5-6 PM meeting on a Friday? Satan, that's who. Or someone who specifically hates me and wants to do me wrong. But fine, I'll deal with it and then I'll be off into the night. I suppose I should at least attempt to be productive and take care of that pesky project....
So Pirates of the Caribbean trilogy (and Mouse Hunt) director Gore Verbinski wants to make a new cinematic version of Clue, the classic board game of the same name. First of all, allow me to be one of the first to say: buh?? So after directing a billion dollar franchise and cementing himself as a major Hollywood director (though oddly, no one ever seems to talk about him...you don't hear anyone calling for Verbinski to helm various geek projects in development), the man chooses to make...Clue. Sure, lots of directors who make big budget films often tackle a smaller project to refuel their creative engines (Tim Burton did Edward Scissorhands after the first Batman, Christopher Nolan did The Prestige after Batman Begins), but it's usually a more personal/risky project that said director now has the clout to bring to life. It's not usually Clue....
It's not that I doubt that Verbinski has "the chops" to make this an interesting movie. I mean, the guy did take a semi-lame Disney ride and make into a really fun adventure movie...before he sank the metaphorical ship with the sequels. I'm sure his plans for Clue are at least interesting...but still, Clue? I mean, I have all the love in the world for the classic 1985 film adaptation (especially since my high school drama club mounted a theatrical production based on the film script...I played Colonel Mustard), but does the boardgame really warrant two movie adaptations (especially if one of those will likely take it really, really seriously as opposed to the brilliant comedic version)? But whatever, I guess...as long as this "reboot" prompts Paramount to create special features for the original film and release it on Blu-ray, I'll be content.
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