Naked Lunch

Can I just say that I am absolutely sick and tired of people constantly referencing Dr. Manhattan's "big blue dong" as a reason why Watchmen underperformed? If I see one more online discussion that notes the fact that, holy fucking shit, there was a PENIS in Watchmen (and it was apparently big and blue), I'm going to lose it and snap the Internet in two. Grow the fuck up, people. Yes, Dr. Manhattan was (tee hee) naked in the movie, and yes, his (snicker) dong was totally swinging around for everyone to see. Oh my God! Let's all comment on this fact forever and ever and ever and ever and suggest that that's a real reason for the movie's lackluster box office.

I'm hardly someone who's so comfortable with my body that I'd happily stroll naked down the beach (in actuality, I won't even take my shirt off in public), but I also don't think that the mere existence of a penis in a movie invites snickering or endless discussion. Now, if that penis were smacking someone in the face, then that would be worth mentioning. If that penis detached itself from its host body and spent the remainder of the movie trying to hitchhike to Toronto, yes, that would be something to note. But if a character in the movie is just naked (and it makes sense that they're naked), then get over it, who cares, shut up about it.

"OH MY GOD THERE WAS A PENIS IN THE MOVIE HA HA HA HA I CAN'T BELIEVE THEY DID THAT IT'S HIS DICK AND IT'S NOT COVERED UP HA HA HA HA THAT'S SO GAY AND FUNNY AND I HAVE TO REFERENCE IT EVERY TIME SOMEONE TALKS ABOUT THE MOVIE!!!!" said the Internet.

I, for one, am thrilled that Dr. Manhattan was naked in Watchmen. No, not because I love seeing male nudity (I could do without it on a regular basis, really), but because it made absolute sense for the character to be naked. If Dr. Manhattan had just worn a loincloth or something all the time, that would have been a compromise for the character, not to mention the fact that the same internet fucks who are making this their new go-to punchline would have bitched and moaned about Hollywood interference if he had been clothed.

And don't even get me started on the absolute fucking morons who are now saying, "Well, the movie should have been PG-13, really...." Ugh. Just ugh. Conclusion: people are never happy. Complaining makes people happy. People can never do enough complaining, and thus, people are never happy. Also, people who make a point of talking about a film's nudity quotient (male or female, really...I also loathe pervvy guys who recommend movies to other guys based on the tits on display) as a primary point of discussion: we will not get along. This same bullshit happened last year with Forgetting Sarah Marshall...virtually every evaluation of the movie, professional or amateur, had to reference the fact that, holy shit, you see a penis and it's just there. It's not even doing anything funny. God for-fucking-bid.

And speaking of Forgetting Sarah Marshall, I saw a few movies this weekend, starting with I Love You, Man (starring Forgetting Sarah Marshall's Jason Segel). I wanted to love this movie...I mean, if you take the basic premise (adult guy realizes he has no guy friends around and tries to make friends as an adult, which is difficult), it's basically my biography. It's such a basic, clever premise that had a lot of promise...or so I thought. Really, though, once you get into the part of the movie wherein Paul Rudd's character meets Jason Segel's character and they become fast friends, it basically veers into standard rom-com territory...and that part begins about 20 minutes into the nearly 2-hour movie. And then it's just predictable and even a little boring. But it's cute, I guess...worth seeing maybe on video.

I also saw Duplicity...if only it had lived up to its relatively awesome first thirty minutes or so, I would have been totally in love with this movie. Unfortunately, it just doesn't maintain that initial burst of energy, and it gradually becomes...well, not wholly predictable (though I have to say that I at least considered the final twist as an option, even if only for a second at one point in the movie...what do I win?), but also not super fun. It's good, though, and it's always refreshing to see a smart movie that's really geared toward adults.

And then there's Monsters vs. Aliens, which I actually saw in 3D. I popped my 3D cherry with this movie, and apparently, this was a good choice for that option, as it apparently integrates the 3D better than most prior attempts. I'm really wary about the whole 3D thing (I hate that it's becoming a standard..."oh, why aren't all movies in 3D now?"), but I have to admit that it was fun for this movie. It's a slippery slope, this whole 3D thing...I want to make the blanket statement that animated movies really benefit from 3D, but would something like Wall-E really have been better in 3D? And maybe something like My Bloody Valentine is fun in 3D (I wouldn't know), but I also want to make the blanket statement that live action 3D is unnecessary. I don't know...I just hate when good filmmakers get lost in service of the technology (James Cameron and Robert Zemeckis...come back to us).

But the movie itself? It was okay. It definitely wasn't hysterical, but it wasn't unfunny. It was cute. I'd recommend seeing it in 3D if you're going to see it in theaters. It's not as great as Kung Fu Panda (really) but it's way, way, way better than Shark Tale or Madagascar 2 (speaking strictly in terms of Dreamworks Animation movies...I'd put Monsters vs. Aliens alongside maybe A Bug's Life in terms of Pixar movies).

I guess that's it for now...I'm still not sure how I feel about blogging anymore. Yes, I've been busy, but I also just haven't had the spark to put fingers to keyboard and write about anything lately. Maybe it's because I don't want to prattle on about work stuff (I wrote a lot of e-mails today...made some calls...did some stuff...). Perhaps I'm tired of whining about my social life...or perhaps it's because I just haven't had much going on in it of late. I've always felt like somewhat of a failure as a blogger...I mean, don't most bloggers write about their opinions on the world at large? Politics, news, laws, snarky observations...I've mostly just gazed at my proverbial navel. Is that interesting? And do I care if I'm interesting to others? I have no idea.