Spring Break
I've basically mentally checked out at this point. Not at this point in life, mind you, but in terms of this week and at work and whatnot. Sure, it's Friday and all, the obvious brain check-out day, but I've basically been mentally on vacation since about...oh, Tuesday. Monday night, maybe. Luckily, that's because I'm actually going to be on vacation as of 6 PM tonight...and really, not a moment too soon. I don't know if it's because of naturally built-up fatigue/frustration or because I'm itching to get away, but it's going to be a challenge just to get through today. It also hasn't helped that this week has been utter balls in most every respect....
But why dwell on all of that (just because it will all be waiting for me when I return from my vacation)? Clearly, I should celebrate my liberation from the workplace for this brief northeastern respite. And indeed, I am celebrating, as evidenced by my utter lack of interest and engagement in work this past week. I don't know...it's all felt somewhat hollow and pointless this week. Forgive my melodrama, but it's kind of a buzzkill when I get into the mindset that my job is ultimately meaningless and my seemingly-solid relationships with other people are like trite dust in the overused simile that is wind.
And as much as I'm looking forward to my trip (this is my rescheduled trip to Syracuse and New York City) and seeing my friends and old stomping grounds, I can't help but feel a sense of sadness about the whole thing. I miss having Jim and Jennie here in Los Angeles on a permanent basis and my planned two day visit with them next week is a mere crumb off of that relationship pie (oh, my tortured metaphors). And then there are my New York friends...while I would fervently disagree that my move to Los Angeles "took a toll" on my friendships with them (I'd counter that we have a deep reservoir of friendship and that distance won't deplete it), it can be said, at least for my tastes, that my brief seemingly annual visits aren't really enough to fully satisfy. Plus, being amongst friends in the northeast usually serves to amplify the silence when I return to LA.
Well, that was pretty bleak. But what can I say...it's been that kind of week. Fuck it, it's been that kind of year so far. I'm not usually quite so pessimistic (I look at myself as a pessimistic optimist: I want things to be good but I understand that they probably won't be), but I've felt a little beaten down of late.
And now it's the end of the day...the end of a very stressful day. While the first part of this week dawdled along, I found myself soundly slammed with a dumpster-full of work that needs my attention prior to my absence. And now, at 5:06 PM, do I feel that I'm ready for my vacation? Not really...there was one thing that I had told myself that I had to do today and I still haven't had a chance to get to it. Why not do it now instead of writing on my blog? Eh...there's a reason why I left it to the end of the week. Unfortunately, my boss has a 5-6 PM meeting right now, so our final catchup will have to take place after 6...lame. So much for starting my vacation on time....
But boo fucking hoo, I guess...an extra hour or so isn't the end of the world when one has an 11-day respite in front of them. Still, who the fuck schedules a 5-6 PM meeting on a Friday? Satan, that's who. Or someone who specifically hates me and wants to do me wrong. But fine, I'll deal with it and then I'll be off into the night. I suppose I should at least attempt to be productive and take care of that pesky project....
