What's the best book you read this year?
I feel...restless. Not so much in the typical way, wherein I get bored and want to go do something, but more in the sense of...not feeling at rest. It's an abstract feeling that's better left to my interior monologue than to the e-pages of my blog (and yes, I'm calling it a blog...it's just easier and less pretentious than saying "online journal," though I still maintain that's what this is). Still, I have a lot on my mind at the moment. No, no, it wouldn't make for interesting reading...you're not missing anything, gentle reader. Or maybe it would make for some decent discussion, but I just don't have time to write about it now.
Before I answer the above question, though, let me address two quick things: first, the title of my last blog post was taken from a Christmas song of unknown origin (to me, at least). Alan Arkin sings it as he's rolling out the fake snow on the roof of his house in Edward Scissorhands: "I saw three ships come sailing by, on Christmas day, on Christmas day...I saw three ships come sailing by, on Christmas day in the morning." The song might go on to extol Jesus and denounce non-believers, but barring that, it seems like a nice enough song. I always get it stuck in my head around this time of year and given that my last post was indeed on Christmas day in the morning, it seemed appropriate enough.
Secondly, some movie reviews: There Will Be Blood is pretty fucking great. No, it's not Citizen Kane, as various reviewers would have you believe, but it's absolutely one of the best movies this year. The movie was so well put together that, by the time the final scene/confrontation rolled around, it was literally delicious to watch the characters go at it. I'm not a big Paul Thomas Anderson fan (quick summary: Hard Eight- blah; Boogie Nights- good; Magnolia- achingly pretentious and mediocre; Punch Drunk Love- interesting but ultimately meaningless), but I have to admit that he knocked this one out of the park (though it wouldn't have been half as good without Daniel Day-Lewis).
Charlie Wilson's War, on the other hand, can't help but be disappointing. With Tom Hanks, Mike Nichols and Aaron Sorkin all working on such an interesting story (I'm not a huge Julia Roberts fan, but include her in that list, too, if you want), it should have been amazing...or at least gripping. Ultimately, though, it was funny and interesting and well acted (especially Philip Seymour Hoffman...just give the guy the Best Supporting Actor Academy Award right now for this, The Savages, and Before the Devil Knows You're Dead), but not really a story, exactly. It's one of those movies that's based on real life wherein stuff just sort of happens. That sort of works for character studies and the like (Into The Wild, for instance...which I didn't love, either), but for something like this, it saps the story of all drama. It's just one event after the other...well acted events, well staged events, but not compelling. After a while, the initial charm wore off and I was left feeling impatient, knowing where the story was going and not caring enough about the characters to just go along with the ride (unlike, say, There Will Be Blood, which was an hour longer than this movie). I wouldn't steer people away from seeing it, but just temper your expectations (the show I saw was sold out, and while the movie wasn't that great, I'd rather see something like this sell out than something like Alvin and the Chipmunks).
Sweeney Todd was pretty much what I expected, quality-wise: it was awesome. However, for some reason, I wasn't expecting it to veer from black humor/stylized violence into pretty much straight up horror. By the last twenty minutes or so, I was genuinely disturbed, as opposed to the amusingly disturbed feeling I had had for the previous one hour and forty minutes. But I have to say, I think this is due to a separate issue of mine (SPOILER WARNING...if you haven't seen the film, DON'T KEEP READING THIS PARAGRAPH): because of an unfortunate incident during my senior year of high school, I have since been extremely disturbed by the idea of burning alive. Not that I loved the concept before, but after feeling even a tiny bit of what that experience would be like, that has since become something that greatly upsets me. So I was okay when Johnny Depp slits all the throats, I was fine with the concept of human-based meat pies, but when Johnny Depp kicks Helena Bonham Carter into the oven, watches her burn for a few moments (in various close ups...thanks, Tim Burton!), then slams the door shut, I got kind of freaked out. Still, it was a very entertaining movie that's probably Tim Burton's best since Ed Wood (yes, I liked Sleepy Hollow and Big Fish, but Ed Wood was the last movie of his that was really completely successful for me).
Before the Devil Knows You're Dead was a bit disappointing, though. All the critics were saying how great it was and how it was Sidney Lumet's return to form, etc., but ultimately, it was very...actor-ly, depressing, and even a bit boring. Yes, it was good, but nothing spectacular. In some ways, The Savages was a similar sort of movie (actor-ly and depressing), but it wasn't really boring.
And then there was National Treasure: Book of Secrets. The first movie was disarmingly engaging and cute (if a $100 million action movie can be "cute"), but was still just a sodden Indiana Jones retread (much like Sahara, though that one just outright sucked). But Book of Secrets...it's weird, because this was the first sort of big budget Hollywood movie I had seen in a while (after a fall/winter of Gone Baby Gone, No Country for Old Men, There Will Be Blood, The Savages, Before the Devil Knows You're Dead, Lions for Lambs...even Sweeney Todd and Charlie Wilson's War were somewhat unique and idiosyncratic), and it was just terrible. While I don't chalk this up to a change in my palette, I do think I've been spoiled by good characters, engaging situations and quality storytelling for the last few months. But again, I do love typical Hollywood movies...when they're good. I've avoided I Am Legend so far, as I have to believe that it will produce a similar result, but I may not be able to resist.... Oh, and I did see Beowulf, I guess...that was a big Hollywood movie that wasn't very good, but not in the same way. Book of Secrets was just dumb. It was genuinely idiotic, sloppy, boring, pointless and just plain bad.
Anyway...to answer the question above, sadly, the best book I read in 2007 was Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows. Yes, that's right...the seventh Harry Potter book. I read it primarily during Comic-Con, which was a fun time, anyway, and while it's not the best book of the series, it was still a very satisfying end to a very satisfying series. Plenty of ink (cyber and otherwise) has been spilled in order to discuss the book this year, so I won't get into specifics, but that would definitely be my answer.
As a prelude to any actual content that I might post today or tomorrow, here's a quick Christmas morning survey. In case you were wondering, this is how all Jews spend Christmas morning: answering online surveys. Actually, one of the more amusing student films I saw while in film school was a static frame of Grand Central Station's main area. It was mostly empty, except for the director, who ran around rolling out paper towels or something on the floor (I can't remember all the details...was it paper towels or wrapping paper? Was it sped up or normal speed? Not the point). At the end, it spelled out something like "How A Jew Spends Christmas." Ha ha...it's funny because it's true. All right, survey time.
[One] Who was your last text from?
Jennie...and to end the suspense, it said "Okay."
[Two] Where was your default pic taken?
My profile picture was taken from my summer stint as a character performer at Walt Disney World in Orlando, FL (specifically, the Magic Kingdom...though the picture was taken at the Grand Floridian). Obviously, Disney was very strict about uses of their costumes, so I had to quickly take this with my Eeyore head on during a break while I was doing a character dinner. It's a shame that it's not well composed, but at least it gives an idea of how hard it was to see anything through that head.
[Three] What's your middle name?
Seth.
[Four] Your current relationship status?
Single.
[Five] Does your crush(s) like you back?
As a friend, yes...as more, no idea.
[Six] What is your current mood?
Blah...though not bad blah, necessarily. Just blah.
[Seven] What's your dads name?
Gary.
[Eight] What color shirt are you wearing?
Black. I would specify that this is the shirt in which I slept, but my shirt for the day will also be black, so....
[Nine] Last drink you drank?
Coffee.
[Ten] If you could go back in time and change something?
Please see my previous discussion on this topic for my full answer.
[Eleven] Do you have a crazy side?
I don't know...would I dance with the devil by the pale moonlight? Probably not, but I should start saying that more often.
[Twelve] Ever had a near death experience?
Eh...not a personal one, thankfully. The closest I've come was when I was running from the collapsing towers on September 11th. That was the only time in my life when I ever actually thought to myself, "Wow, I could die right now." But the "wow" wasn't a happy thing, like when someone gives you a birthday present...just FYI.
[Thirteen] Something you do a lot?
Um...work? Watch movies? Talk to myself? Use the words "you know"?
[Fourteen] Angry at anyone?
Not angry...frustrated, yes. Bitter, maybe. Can I be bitter at someone? I don't think it works that way....
[Fifteen] Do you wanna see somebody right now?
Like, anybody? As if some stranger came and knocked on my door? In terms of people I know, yes, I'd like to see that girl I like...or various friends...family members.
[Sixteen] Name someone with the same birthday as you?
Kirsten Dunst...and that fucking bitch will never let me forget it. We were born on the same day in the same year (April 30th, 1982), so whenever I have my birthday, I have to look in film-related magazines and whatnot and see her gallivanting around and going to parties, etc. Fuck her...fuck her in the ear. The German mathematician Karl Friedrich Gauss also has the same birthday.
[Seventeen] When was the last time you cried?
When I was watching that movie a couple of weeks ago...not so much the movie's fault.
[Eighteen] Who would you do anything for?
This is a dumb question. It's ridiculous romantic hokum...that's right, I said hokum. Deal with it.
[Nineteen] What should you be doing right now?
Maybe showering or working out or something...damn you, blog.
[Twenty] What's the first thing you notice about the opposite sex?
Face...it sounds obvious, but faces are very important. Also, skin.
[Twenty-One] What do you usually order from Starbucks?
Venti black coffee.
[Twenty-Two] What's your biggest secret?
Please, let me discuss it here. Though if I did, it wouldn't be secret anymore, thus creating a paradox...so I'll just avoid it altogether.
[Twenty-Three] Where is your ex?
One of them is in Alabama or someplace being a teacher and enjoying her polygamous lifestyle choice. The other...not sure.
[Twenty-Four] Favorite movie?
If you knew anything about anything about anything about anything about movies, you'd know that you can't have one favorite.
[Twenty-Five] Do you still watch kiddie movies or TV shows?
Of course. When I'm looking for something to watch on TV, more often than not, I'll check Nickelodeon pretty early in my rotation.
[Twenty-Six] What are you eating or drinking at the moment?
Nothing, I'm typing. I did just have oatmeal and coffee, though.
[Twenty-Seven] Do you speak any other languages?
A little bit of French.
[Twenty-Eight] Whats your favorite smell?
If you knew anything about anything about anything about.... Nothing in particular.
[Twenty-Nine] Describe your life in one word, what would it be?
Let's see...to be clever or sincere? How about neither.
[Thirty] Are you brave?
Depends on the situation
[Thirty-One] What are you addicted to?
Possibly oatmeal. Actually, lots of foods.
[Thirty-Three] What are you listening to?
A Blade Runner commentary.
[Thirty-Four] Do you act differently around the person you like?
Not really...it's all variations of myself, but while I do act very much like myself, it's a more controlled persona, so to speak.
[Thirty-Five] What is your natural hair color?
My current color: light brown/dirty blond. I used to be completely blond, but not so much anymore.
[Thirty-Six] Who was the last person to make you smile?
Jennie, maybe? Does the "kitties smoking" picture in my bathroom count?
[Thirty-Seven] What AIM screennames are you talking to right now?
No one.
[Thirty-Eight] When was the last time you spilled your heart out?
Hm...I don't know, but it was recent.
[Thirty-Nine] Who is the last person online on your buddy list?
I'm not on AIM.
[Forty] Do you fit the designated stereotype for yourself?
No?
What was the one thing that you wanted badly that made you do something ridiculous?
Submitted by estell.
Funny thing, this question: I was actually about to write a post along similar lines. Therefore, I'll kill two birds with one stone by answering this question and discussing my own thoughts. I'm actually in the midst of a Blade Runner on Blu-ray "marathon" (hard to actually have a marathon with one movie, but it's more about watching the various cuts of the film, listening to the commentaries, watching the documentaries, etc.), but now is a good time to take a bit of a break. As I mentioned in my last post, this blog isn't really about entertaining anyone or even updating my friends on my day-to-day life...rather, it's mostly about writing down my general thoughts and feelings, much like that heroic youngster of the early nineties, Doogie Houser. Sure, he certainly wasn't the first character to keep a journal, but whenever I think about blogging, I always hear that theme song, see that computer screen, and wonder why I watched so much TV in my youth.
Anyway...I was thinking about dating and attraction this morning (as I am wont to do). When one really sits down and thinks about it (which I have...my commute is lengthy and boring), it's almost astonishing that anyone ever gets married. I mean, first you have to find someone you can actually stand to be around and who can stand to be around you, then you have to successfully date and/or keep away various outside forces (prohibitive work schedules, flirtatious strangers, fear of commitment, etc.). But even all of that seems more reasonable than what comes next: moving in together and spending the majority of your time with someone else, essentially losing all freedom and personal space (not to mention privacy, lest you be considered "secretive" or "walled off"). If all of that actually works out, then you go from spending merely all of your current time with someone to spending the rest of your life with them, ie: marriage. This is, of course, as long as all of the little things don't get in the way (do your friends like him/her, does your family get along with them, is one person carrying the other financially, do you both want kids, etc.). Finally, having overcome all of those obstacles, you're married...and then you have to spend the rest of your life with the same person. No new encounters, no first kisses.... There's always divorce, I guess, but that's not a satisfying option by any means.
I could go on and on, spiraling ever further into the gaping maw of depressing reality...but that's not even what this post was supposed to be about. That's really a larger topic that I'm not about to address right now (there's still a lot of Blade Runner to watch...). I don't know...lately, I've just started to wonder if marriage is worth it...and by "lately," I mean over the last six months or so. The only solid reason I can see for getting married is to have kids...and one doesn't even need to be married for that (though as a member of the male gender, it would be more difficult to get one of those without a woman of some sort). I just wonder: is it worth all of the aggravation to try and find someone and jump through the endless hoops of dating, love, relationships and marriage? What's so wrong with being a bachelor? I mean, I'll be the first to say that, yes, the whole "physical intimacy" thing is pretty important, but one doesn't need to be married for that...some might even say that it helps not to be.
Then again...I've been in love. I'm not going to fool myself into thinking that casual sex with a model is as satisfying as curling up with someone you love in bed and watching a great movie together. I'm endlessly attracted to the idea of being part of an exclusive two-member club, the idea that there's my girlfriend/wife and I, and then everyone else in the world. On those days when work crushes my spirit and my commute makes me want to steer into the median at 90 MPH and no one wants to hear my movie pitch, it's the black, rotting cherry on top to come home to my empty apartment. When I was dating Krystal, there was a week when she came out here to Los Angeles to visit me. During that week, when I would come home from a lousy day of transcribing to find her here, at first, it made me crankier...the bachelor/solitary part of me was bothered that I had to talk to someone when all I wanted to do was lie down and be alone. And I would be a jerk, grunting out a hello and using my body language to keep her away from me. But after a few minutes, all of that bitterness and anger (at my day, not her) would sort of burn away, and I would gradually become human again...and I would be so grateful for her presence. Not to trivialize all of that, but it's sort of like the recent season of Heroes, with that brother and sister: she would get angry and inadvertently use her mind to kill people until her brother would come along and use his power to calm her down and bring her back to normal.
That's not to say that I'm just some rageaholic monster...I could also tell stories about being there for other people when they're in that "mind-killing" funk...but the point is, as tricky and impossible as relationships seem sometimes, and although I still can't help but wonder whether or not they're worth the trouble, there's that tiny part of me that knows that they are.
As for something I've wanted badly enough that has led me to do stupid things, I would say that pretty much everything I've tried to do to get this current girl's romantic attention has been pretty stupid...not because I regret them, but just because if one of my friends told me that they had done these things, I would shudder with embarrassment for them. But then, the irony of it is that such romantic gestures don't really work...and I know it. Romance is dead...real romance, that is. Actually, to clarify: the romance of wooing is dead...romance once in a relationship is still very much alive and well. Case in point: this girl and I went to Legoland last weekend and she was telling me about how her parents and grandparents got together. The story of her grandparents' courtship was immensely romantic, like something out of an early David Lean film (specifically Brief Encounter...but without the affair part...it makes sense to me). It was one of those stories that could seemingly only happen during World War II and obviously took place in black and white. Then the story of her parents' wooing was a bit different: it started off as another achingly romantic tale, only to go in a very different direction at the end...very 1960s, 1970s. Of course, after hearing those tales, I wanted nothing more than to ask her: what will your wooing story be like? Very 2000s? Will it involve alcohol, a random makeout session, some sort of technology (texting love notes, perhaps)? Because part of me can't help but believe that it won't involve any of the actual romance I've tried to summon, because that's not how things happen anymore.
The thing is, theoretically, I know how to get a girl to be interested in me (that is, if there's some sort of basic attraction...if the girl finds me ugly or retreats from my use of words like "layover," I can't bounce back from that). With almost every girl I've liked, I've always been the doormat. I remember in second grade when I liked a girl named Erin Eichler, I would do everything she asked me to do. I would carry her stuff, I would do what she wanted to do, etc. And I remember one day, my dad told me that girls don't really want a doormat, they don't want a guy who will do whatever they say or want. And in my second grade way, I scoffed and said to myself, "Pshaw, what does he know?" Of course, as the years have gone by and as girl after girl has rejected me or has looked at me as "one of their best friends," I've come to understand that he was exactly right.
That's not to say that it's okay to be abusive or cruel...not at all (and that's not what my dad was advocating, either). But as much as girls talk about being desired and treated like a queen, etc., I think that's more how they want to be treated in a relationship...when wooing, they want to be treated like the enemy. And indeed, when I finally did get a girlfriend, it was partially because I wasn't interested in her in the first place, made no effort to woo her, and professed my feelings for a different girl (who, by the way, was never interested in me and still isn't...we're good friends, sure, but back when I actively liked her, it was Doormat City, population: me). Of course, when we were in a relationship, I mostly treated her well...but had I done the same things and tried to woo her, I would have been dismissed.
But I didn't really see the correlation until my second girlfriend. With Krystal, we worked together in New York during 2004...just months before I was planning to move to Los Angeles. So while I was attracted to this new girl in the office, I knew there was no chance of anything happening and made no effort to act upon my crush. Rather, I was very much "myself" to her, which my friends may know as being occasionally caustic, sarcastic, vitriolic, and borderline mean at times (though never with malice...just with joshing). And oddly enough, she was never offended or bothered enough to stop talking to me at work. I remember thinking to myself at the time, "You know, it would be really funny if she ended up liking me, because I feel like I'm being kind of a dick sometimes." Lo and behold, about a month before I left New York, she asked me out.
(By the way, I know that between that story and the story above, it seems like I was horrible to Krystal...I really wasn't. First of all, my humor was never mean...just bitingly sarcastic. I was never actively rude to her...I don't feel like that's part of my personal style, per se. And secondly, when we were together, we had our ups and downs just like any relationship, and I was just highlighting both a down and an up in the story above. True, in the end, I did have to break up with her, but that wasn't being mean or planned...it was complicated.)
Whether these results mean that just being a general dick is alluring to women or that being myself (who can be dick-ish) is what's alluring, I don't know. But I can't help but think about these facts now that I'm wooing this girl. I find myself being a doormat at times, which is my wooing nature, and I try to tell myself to be more "myself"...but it's not easy. I almost feel like I'm in the "relationship" part of our time together, wherein I just want to do nice things for her and be with her, when I should be in the "wooing" part, wherein I act aloof and hard-to-get. But I can't act aloof...with Tina and Krystal, I really wasn't trying to be that way. I think that if I acted aloof or dick-ish, I would just come across as an out-and-out asshole.
Anyway...I think I should get back to Blade Runner. Some lovely future noir might help drown these thoughts of mine...after all, I am on vacation. Still, it's taking me some time to come down off of my daily thoughts and routines. For the last two nights, I've been going to sleep and having work dreams. Yesterday morning, I woke up, frantic about whether or not we'd have enough BD-Rs for CES. It's moments like that when I can't help but yearn for someone to be lying next to me, to remind me that life isn't all about work....
Things have been pretty busy lately. I know I always say things are busy here at work and then write Dickens-sized novels about the minutia of my life, but this week, I wasn't even able to maintain the balance between working and diverting my attention. Ironically, now that I'm finally somewhat caught up with work, an 11-day vacation looms ahead of me and my boss said I could leave early...now, specifically. So do I sit here and write about everything that's been going on...or do I go and get a head start on my vacation?
See ya!
(I'll try to update a little bit, though...not today, but soon...though I'll be seeing everyone who reads this within the next week, so maybe that's silly...though writing here isn't necessarily for the benefit of others...we'll see.)
Who do you want to be caught under the mistletoe with this holiday season?
Submitted by An Ebony Epicurean.
Shouldn't this be "With whom do you want to be caught under the mistletoe this holiday season?" Anyway, I'm not really in the mood to write today, so I thought I'd at least make a token effort and answer this question, though I think my answer is blazingly obvious: I'd like to be caught under the mistletoe with your mom this holiday season.
It's rainy out today and I'm struggling to do some work so that I can go on vacation and not worry about things here (our company graciously gifted us with next Wednesday, Thursday and Friday off, in addition to the already-planned Monday and Tuesday, so after this Friday, I'll have a whopping two weeks off...insanity!). But indeed, it's hard to accomplish things when my brain and internal energy-providing gnomes won't cooperate...they're already curling up on my bed for a marathon session of Lost: Season Three on Blu-ray. Nonetheless, like the nails, I will press on.
This will be a short post...I've been working on it intermittently for the last couple of hours and this the extent of what I've written. Actually, my day is exploding with work now...probably should get to it....
What was your major or field of study in college? Did you wind up working in that field or using that degree? If not, what field have you wound up in?
Submitted by sneuf.
I'm not sure why I'm posting again...maybe because, despite the fact that I have seven working days left before CES and seemingly a lot to accomplish...I don't actually have that much to accomplish. Am I so on top of my tasks that I've actually completed them ahead of schedule? Perhaps...or perhaps I'm just forgetting about a bunch of stuff. I don't know for sure...but what I do know is that I'm bored...and that boredom has led to thinking...which is really not what I want to be doing right now. I actually purchased a small train from Legoland that I've brought to work in the hopes of assembling, but actively demonstrating my boredom may not be the best idea. I don't want new tasks dropped in my lap on the relative eve of my vacation.
Anyway...I can't get my mind off of my personal situation, so I'll attempt to do so through writing. Also, as tasty as that egg-and-bacon-filled breakfast burrito was, now I feel a little sick...not ridiculously so, but...blah. It's been a morning of extremes: the breakfast was fun (socializing, etc.) and different, but there seems to be a post-breakfast lull in morale...everyone who was happy and cheerful earlier is now a bit down and grumpy, myself included. It's the eggs....
So this question. My major was technically Film, TV and Radio Production at Tisch School of the Arts at New York University, with an obvious emphasis on Film (specifically film directing). While I know some graduates have had far more success parlaying their degrees into film-related jobs, I feel that my degree has served me well. I know that the NYU/Tisch name got me in the door here at this studio, which is basically the goal of having such a degree...so mission accomplished. However, unlike other, perhaps more industrious graduates, I never got into the whole alumni connection thing. That is to say, I've never found success in relying on fellow NYU grads...which is partially my fault and, I feel, partially the school's. As much as they emphasize using these connections, it really seems to be more to boast than to aid. I don't know...as much as I loved NYU and Tisch, I can't quite get over some of my residual bitterness when it comes to some of my experiences there. It's a love/not-hate-but-not-love relationship. But as I think I've said before, I wouldn't have wanted to go anywhere else.
But yes, I have ended up in my field of study...generally. Obviously when I actually start making movies, I will really be doing what I've "trained" to do, but until then, I am working in the entertainment industry, which is a good start.
I can't tell if today sucks or not...there are definite signs of suckage (boredom punctuated by stressful requests, etc.) and I fully expect this week to blow given the upcoming respite. But on the other hand, it's not that terrible...so far. Sorry...I don't mean to whine so much. I'm just frustrated and impatient and tired. Plus, I saw The Savages last night...very good movie, but not the dark comedy one might expect...a bit depressing overall. Maybe more than a bit.... I don't know...it's just one of those days where I'd rather be doing things other than sitting at my desk and doing work...and I have to believe that a lot of my co-workers are feeling the same way....except for the one who sits across from me, who was out sick all last week and is now asking me to look at art for her new apartment. Is it wrong that I can't muster any enthusiasm for a friend? I'll make a call on that right now: yes, it is. And now I'm just rambling...but I don't want to confront my work...not that I have that much at the moment. Yup, just writing for the sake of moving my fingers and keeping my brain awake now...you can probably go look at another website now...I think I'm out of things to say.
Actually, I will say that I'm excited because I received a room confirmation for CES today. I was dealing with a whole rooming drama over the last month or so, but it was confirmed today that I have a room at the hotel at which all of my co-workers are staying, which is very good. I was concerned that I would end up at the Las Vegas Airport Ramada or something while everyone else got to stay at the fancy hotel, and while everyone else would take in shows, gambling and drinking binges, then just stumble up to their rooms afterwards, I would have to take a taxi to my motel and watch free HBO all by my lonesome. I know that makes me sound vastly spoiled, but...oh well.
Let's see, what else is going on? I'm looking forward to my New York trip...though I think there's a period of two nights or so during my trip when I actually don't have a place to stay. I have to look into that....
All right, I think I've dragged this out as long as I can. My boss is currently in a meeting...time to assemble my Lego train....
I wasn't going to use that title for this post today, as the joke was funny last night and didn't actually need to be followed through, but after I read someone's blog post this morning and saw that I was misquoted and/or misunderstood (or that my initial statement was taken out of context), I couldn't resist. However, as I know this person well enough, I will emphasize that there is, in fact, no damage to my crotchal region, and the title is merely intended for humorous effect. And I didn't say you were a drama queen! Sigh...that's really more a topic for an e-mail than it is for a blog post, so let's move on.
Legoland was a lot of fun. We actually ended up going and, despite my fears (expressed and otherwise), it turned out to be a pretty great day, both in terms of fun-having and being with that girl. No, it wasn't a date, and it didn't turn into anything steamier than two friends hanging out all day, but one has to start somewhere...it's a lot better than not spending time together. And as I alluded to above, some of my fears were allayed, some of my questions were answered (not the critical ones, but still, questions nonetheless), and Legos were seen/bought. We also ended up ruining a roller coaster ride for two small children and potentially teaching them new curse words, but that was just the cherry on the top of a hot fudge sundae of a day.
And yet, after a whole day of good times, I still can't help but be...unsure and uneasy about where I stand. I know we're good friends, but that's not the key question...can we become more than friends? While I was comfortably reassured about a lot of things this weekend, the answer to that question remained frustratingly elusive. In fact, the "mystery" was increased when she told me the tale of her ex-boyfriend...whose story sounds uncomfortably similar to my situation...and who was eventually dumped when this girl realized that there was no "spark" between them.
Which brings me to my quandary: what is this "spark"? I'm not an idiot...I understand the concept perfectly well. And yet, I don't...not really. That is to say, it seems to be different for everyone...what sets someone's fire burning does nothing for someone else. The spark is an intangible concept upon which I can have no influence. Stupidly and bluntly perhaps, I asked this girl (in the context of discussing her ex) what kept this person from producing a spark in her...obviously, she said she didn't know, but she just knew. Sadly enough, that made sense to me and was probably the best answer for which I could have hoped. Of course, my bluntness stopped short of asking, "So, do we have a spark?"...though this is my burning question for her.
It's not that I don't understand the spark...I do, for myself...or maybe I don't. I don't know...I look back on Tina and I and I certainly can't define what made us click. I guess we did, as at the time, with our "first love" mentality, we would see ourselves together forever...but I don't know if I could definitively say, "Well, it was our common interests that endeared us to one another," or anything like that...I suppose I can't define what drew us together. And with Krystal, we didn't really even have that much in common, per se, and yet we clicked really well.
But the thing is, before Tina and I started dating or before Krystal and I started dating, I didn't sit around and think about whether or not we had a "spark." I thought about every other conceivable thing...I remember when Krystal and I started spending time together, I would stay up nights and go over everything in my head, trying to figure out whether she liked me or not. But I didn't really sit there and say, "Well, I like her as a friend, but is it more than that? Where's the spark?" Though maybe that's because I inherently felt the spark and didn't have to discuss it....
I've never been in a situation wherein someone has been wooing me or had feelings for me and I had to make the decision to date or not...I've always been the wooer. So perhaps it's understandable that I've never had to deliberate about a spark, as I've generally gone into these situations with a spark in tow.
I guess one of the more frustrating aspects of all of this is the fact that I feel that intangible spark...whatever it is, it's there for me. I can see us together...and there's really no way to convince her that it's there. Not that she's said anything either way...there are some things that have happened or been said that lead me to believe that she doesn't feel that spark and is just afraid of losing a friend if she tells me that, but then there are other things that lead me to believe that she may actually feel it....
Anyway...we just had a holiday breakfast here at work and I'm filled with eggs. I usually don't indulge in work food, but I had peer pressure from my boss, his boss, and his boss's assistant to eat something. Sure, I could have just had fruit, but fuck it. I also just realized this weekend that this week is my last full week at work for a bit. We get a four-day weekend this weekend (Christmas and all), and then I go to New York next Friday...craziness! And then I get back from my trip on January 4th, only to leave for CES the next day. So I should probably try and get through some of my tasks this week and perhaps stop using the majority of my brain to obsess over this girl...yeah, right.
If you could easily choose to live in another country without all the red tape and legal stuff, which one would you select and why?
Submitted by Matthew 25.
I didn't really decide to write a weekend post to answer this burning question, but rather, because I feel slightly anxious...or more than slightly. And indeed, this question is enough of a softball to give me the excuse to pick up e-pen and e-paper to briefly "voice" these feelings, all under the guise of answering a simple Question of the Day.
Although I've traveled abroad more often than some people, I've also traveled far less than others. My boss and I worked on renewing his passport last week, and just this current one of his had every page filled with stamps...of course, he does get to travel abroad for work, but he's just a world traveler in general, really...which is one of the reasons why he's awesome, but I digress. My passport would have stamps from Canada, the UK, France, Italy, Israel, and The Netherlands...so out of those places, I suppose I'd have to be relatively boring and say England, specifically London. Out of all of those places above, I've spent more time in England than any other, as my aunt, uncle and cousin took me on a 10-day trip there when I was 11 or 12, and then I studied abroad in London for four months during my junior year of college.
But while London would be my first choice (in fact, whenever I think about where I'll live when I make my millions, I figure on a "home base" in New York, a smaller house in LA [for work-related travel], and some sort of residence in London), it's not necessarily because I have the best memories from my time there. Oh, I had a good enough time whilst studying abroad, but I was also at quite a low point: I was nearly at my heaviest, I had practically no money to my name, the girl I liked came over to visit me for a week...but then sort of used the trip to see someone else that she actually liked, who was studying in Spain at the time, and sort of used me when she wanted to find a place for him to sleep, etc. And because I had no money, I couldn't really go do anything, outside of seeing movies (ugh...I remember I was so bored and desperate one day that I spent about £12 [which was, like, $24] to see a matinee of that wretched movie Ghost Ship...and was summarily freaked the fuck out by the opening scene, when everyone got cut in half), surfing the internet at school and eating. It all became quite the vicious circle.
However...none of that was London's fault. I loved the city, despite its ridiculous prices, and I knew that I would want to come back one day when I have money. Of course, if I were to hold a debate with myself over London vs. New York City, the latter would win, if only because of the "home turf" advantage...I feel I would be somewhat homesick if I lived in London permanently. Plus, New York feels like what I am, while London feels like what I want to be...if that makes any sense. I would go back and delete that, but I feel like it makes sense to me somehow...or maybe it just sounds pretentious. Either way.
In addition, London could serve as a hub for the rest of Europe. With cheap EasyJet prices (though I haven't followed their prices since 2003) and the existence of the Chunnel (once they fix it up after that Tom Cruise/helicopter incident from 1996), it would be easy to travel anywhere in Europe or Asia. That's not to say travel would be impossible from, say, Paris, but if I look at the world like one of those air-travel maps from Raiders of the Lost Ark (you know, with the little red lines connecting the cities), it just seems like the lines from London all go out in a few basic directions to get to the maximum number of places, whereas from Paris, it's a whole bunch of lines in a whole bunch of directions for a whole bunch of places. Okay, I know what I'm talking about...and that's really what matters.
Other than London, I think my follow-up choice would be Paris...but that's it. I haven't really traveled enough to make any further educated choices. I probably wouldn't live in Amsterdam, as I'm not into biking (or drugs, though I think that's more of a tourist trade, mostly) and it doesn't appeal to me as much...I was only in Rome for six days and it seemed nice, but I'd need to spend more time there to make any sort of decision...despite the security issues, I just don't think Israel (Tel Aviv or Jerusalem) would be for me, though they were nice cities, overall (and no, Vickie, all the buildings aren't bombed out shells)...and why would I live in Canada if I can live in the US? No offense to Canada or anything, but...blah. If I'm going to live abroad, it sure as fuck wouldn't be Canada.
So that's that. I woke up this morning at 3:30...then 3:45...then 4...and finally, 4:30. That girl and I are going to Legoland today (well, there's an 85% chance we are, at least) and even though it isn't a date...I'm still nervous. But who knows...maybe my new home of choice will be Legoland and not London. I hear their health care system is amazing and everyone can build their own house (complete with snap-on trees and flowers). Anyway...we'll see how it goes....
Part of me hates to use the Question of the Day as a crutch, but the other part of me recognizes that they are really more of a starting point than just straightforward question-and-answers. Still, today's was a bit too broad and ill-formed to use as a launching pad...my holiday traditions? Lighting the menorah...the end. I don't go a-caroling, I don't spin the dreidel, I don't visit with family...just me, a brass fixture and some wax and fire. Maybe one day, in those far-off days when I have a family of my own, we'll tra-la-la and tell the story of the Maccabees through interpretive dance, but for now...not so much.
Anyway, today is a slow day here at work...like I said yesterday, we had our studio holiday party last night, which was mostly fun. However, as with most parties here in Los Angeles, the experience is always tainted by my inability to really let loose and drink. I know this will make me sound like a raging alcoholic, but I do find that alcohol tends to enhance my social abilities. Normally, I'm very hesitant to be outgoing and talkative in crowds or social situations, but when I've had a drink or two, I actually believe it melts away some of my annoying reservations and allows some of my more pleasant and fun attributes to bubble to the surface. That's not to say that "I need alcohol to have a good time"...but in a situation like last night, when there are hundreds of people and a dance floor, it wouldn't have hurt.
But I still have to say, I can't help but find office parties slightly uncomfortable to a degree...even here, where I actually like these people (again, unlike at G4). It sort of goes along with my general unease at becoming too personally friendly with co-workers...because here's the thing: let's say you have a co-worker with whom you're always interacting professionally, and let's say that the two of you start talking about personal lives, like pets and relatives and hopes and dreams and whatnot. That's all fine and good...no problem there. But then, when things start getting stressful and people start to clash...I just feel so uncomfortable about telling someone about my personal life at one moment, then turning around and arguing with that same person about work stuff the next moment. It doesn't feel safe...you know?
For instance, that co-worker about whom I wrote on Wednesday: I genuinely like this person and we've chatted many times on a personal level. In fact, I even gave them a ride to their car dealership on Monday evening. But still...I can't help but hold back a bit when it comes to talking about personal stuff, as I know that something will inevitably come up and we'll be at odds about something work-related. Like with my script...this co-worker is also a budding writer who is working on a script of their own, and I've been tempted to share my current script with them to get their opinions. But every time I think, "Hey, I should give them my script," something happens and I'm always grateful that they don't then have my script sitting on their desk....
So anyway, with the party, it's weird...I want to cut loose, like everyone else, and joke and laugh and hug and take goofy pictures and all of that...but I can't stop thinking that I'll see them all the next day and how we'll get back to "normal" and both act like our social craziness never happened. I don't know...it makes sense, but it's unfortunate.
That's not to say I didn't have fun...though I'm sure it may not have looked that way. People always assume I'm not having fun when I go out...this may be because I sit in one spot and look around, not really doing much interacting. But what they don't understand is that I'm still having a good time...or at least, I'm not having a bad time (unless I am...). I remember when I'd go to middle school dances, I wouldn't dance (I'm not a dancer, per se) and I would sit at a table and watch...and people would come up and ask me what's wrong. When I would say "nothing," they wouldn't believe me and would ask me why I was brooding. Of course, this may be because my "brooding" looks an awful lot like my "enjoyment"...there were times at those dances when I actually was brooding. It's a fine line, really....
Probably the most exciting part of last night was when the President of the studio and the CEO, Amy Pascal and Michael Lynton, respectively (if you actually know what studio they run, then you deserve to know where I work), got up and made speeches. This was the first time I had seen them in person...I've read about Amy Pascal in articles, Hollywood power lists, and in many various contexts over the years, so it was bizarre to actually see her in person. I felt very Hollywood at that moment...which was nice. Then someone else got up and sent out the studio's best wishes to Alex Trebek (who had a heart attack on Tuesday). It was also a surreal moment, as at first, I thought, "What a strange thing to mention," until I remembered that our studio produces Jeopardy...which was another Hollywood moment (not to trivialize his illness with my inane commentary, but still).
Anyway...all in all, it was fun. I hung out with that girl and other people from our department, and it was definitely fun to be there and see it all...though I do have to say, I realized that I absolutely need a vacation, as I looked around the party and, without thinking, said to myself, "Wow, this party would look great on Blu-ray." God help me....
What were your top 10 favorite songs or albums of 2007?
I was going to skip this question altogether, as I don't listen to newfangled music, with the hip hop and the bee bop and all of that. That's not to say that I don't listen to some newer songs and/or know of recent artists...I hear them and know of them...they just don't tend to sink in for a few years (speaking of which, keep an eye on that Radiohead band...they're going somewhere...also, what's up with Oasis these days?). But anyway, I literally couldn't name a single album that came out this year, aside from "Songs Inspired by Shrek the Third" or other movie soundtracks. And as for specific songs that came out this year, that would be even more challenging...wasn't there something about an umbrella? Seriously, I'm not kidding...I've really never heard this song, but Entertainment Weekly keeps talking about it...or maybe that was a few months ago....
Yeah, music isn't my thing...but I do know what I like. To that end, I thought I would list 10 songs that I've been listening to lately from my library that have stuck out as particularly relevant or just old favorites that I discovered all over again. I can't say that my insights on these songs will be as knowledgeable as those I have about movies, but bear with me...here goes (in no particular order):
1. Yeah! Oh Yeah! (The Magnetic Fields) - Is it "The Magnetic Fields" or just "Magnetic Fields"? Either way, Jackie introduced me to this song a year ago or so as something we should duet during a karaoke session...and I'm still inclined to participate. So catchy, so seemingly upbeat...such a perfect anthem for hurting those you love. A great song all around...gets in quick, does the deed, and leaves without making a fuss...a perfect ninja of a song. Definitely high on my holiday playlist.
2. Wait For You / Wait For Jane (Tammany Hall NYC) - Perhaps the first of several more sentimental choices, I have this song in two versions. The original version, "Wait For Jane," was co-opted by HBO for one of their commercials around late 2002 and changed to "Wait For You," necessitating the change of a few words throughout. Still, with either version, it's a hopeful song and is good for solo car sing-a-longs.
3. December (Collective Soul) - A bit obvious, perhaps, but still a good song. It's not really specific to this time of year or any of my many bubbling emotions, but the title drew me to revisiting it and it's just a good song. It also reminds me of summer 1995 during my first summer at the University of Miami Summer Theatre Academy. This song was on the radio all the time in the UM Hurricanes' Weight Room, where I would go after camp to wait with my stepdad, who was the Strength and Conditioning Coach for the team. I always wondered what the name of this song was and finally found out a few years ago...good song.
4. Dangerous (Roxette) - You may think that this is about that "certain someone," but it's really not. It's one of those songs where I heard it in the mall or something and was like, "Oh, yeah, I sort of remember this song from years and years ago." It's one of those songs that makes up the wallpaper of the late eighties/early nineties, but in a good way.
5. I Don't Like Mondays (The Boomtown Rats) - A bit morbid, perhaps, but it does speak a great truth: I don't like Mondays. Plus, sort of like "Yeah! Oh Yeah!," there's no cheerier way to hear about a school shooting, and you can sing along, too! But indeed, on any dreary day of the week, Monday or not, it's a good song to turn up in the car.
6. Fix You (Coldplay) - Another sentimental choice. Still, given this time of uncertainty and malaise, this song can't help but...not pick me up, but at least put a full orchestral score behind my issues. Plus, the lyrics keep popping into my head lately and I can't help but relate to them.
7. Leave (R.E.M.) - Chris and millions of other people would be far better able to dissect this song and its actual or intended meanings (though isn't R.E.M. usually intentionally vague...or is that someone else...?). But for me, it's another great song that I can't help but turn up to maximum volume and sing along to in the car when I'm feeling down...which has been often lately.
8. The Blower's Daughter (Damien Rice) - It would be nice if I could say that I'm cutting edge enough to have discovered this song while sorting through my bootleg LPs I bought from a sidewalk vendor in the Village, but really, it was in the movie Closer. Still, another song wherein the lyrics bounce in and out of my head throughout the day and I find myself humming along. Another winsome choice, if not necessarily sentimental.
9. Jamie (Weezer) - For those who know me and the specifics of my current situation, this song seems obvious, like I purposefully went out and found a song with her name in the title and conformed my feelings around the existing lyrics. But amusingly enough, I first heard this song back in 2000, as it was constantly sung to me (Jamie, Jeremy...similar sounding enough). During this period of time, I was working at AMC Theaters in Sarasota (East Siiiiiide!) in the box office, and when I would close, it would be me and the scheduled manager up in the office, closing out the books for the night. At the time, my classmate Billy Farmer was a manager, and when we would close together, he would turn this song on and sing it to me over and over again. Then he'd flick me on the back really hard...his fingers were like little columns of lead. It was all in good fun (even the welts on my back), but that song always stuck in my head. So now, when it's actually become relevant, it's surprising to note that it's a weirdly fitting song (though not perfect...she's not my lawyer and we won't necessarily be together for all time, as we're not together yet in the first place). Hopefully.
10. Tonight, Tonight (The Smashing Pumpkins) - Okay, I don't think I need to explain why this song is awesome. I've been listening to some of their songs lately because I saw them in concert a couple of months ago and I was reminded how great they were...even if they spent a lot of their time playing new songs and practically rushing through their old ones. I can't say that this song is sentimental or reflects my current feelings or really has much to do with anything...it's just awesome.
Okay, the day has really started now...I was actually in a good mood this morning and now...sigh. However, someone did give me tiny bottles of Jack Daniels and Patrón and a giant pencil, so it's not all bad. And today is our [Removed for Privacy Purposes] Pictures Holiday Party, so that might be amusing...free taxi vouchers and all....
