1 post tagged “all in the family”

How do you think having siblings (or not having siblings) affects who you are as a person?

This is an interesting question, and given that it's Friday, I can't really be bothered to try and come up with my own topic for discussion...it was either this or another survey (and I can't say that I won't do the survey a little later today). But this question seems to have come up a lot over the last year or so, particularly with regards to a friend of mine who has a one year old. She is under the impression that not providing a sibling for a child causes loneliness and/or is a general detriment to the child's well-being. I rest near the other end of the spectrum of opinion...not at the complete opposite end, but certainly far enough away.

In my opinion, having a sibling or not having a sibling doesn't make a huge amount of difference with respect to how someone develops as a person. And of course, I can really only work from my opinion here...I don't pretend to offer any solid facts. I was an only child from the time I was born until January of 1994 (therefore making me 12), when my half sister was born. However, in reality, I've pretty much always been an only child, given that, due to living arrangements and the vast age difference between us, my sister and I spent very little time together between 1994 and 2000, when I went away to college (plus, when spending time with my mom, I'm still an actual only child). Ironically enough, this arrangement has also essentially allowed my sister to grow up as a de facto only child, as well.

But more to the point, I don't feel that I would have become a different person had I had a sibling around during my formative years. In fact, given that I'm already a highly competitive and occasionally jealous person, I don't feel that a sibling would have been necessary to contribute to these factors...that is, even though I had no real competition for parental love and attention, I'm not complacent when there's position-jockeying afoot...you know? Basically, I look at people who had siblings and I look at myself, and outside of basic, normal personality differences, there's absolutely nothing glaringly different between us.

I think the only potential benefit to having siblings would be learning more about sharing at an earlier age...but then, I also know people who do have siblings who are bad at sharing, too. Actually, I will say that there is a solid benefit to having siblings, but it really has nothing to do with one's childhood: siblings can be helpful when everyone gets older and "the kids" can help out with aging parents and family members. When it comes to my dad and stepmother, I do feel like my sister can help me out one day when they need elderly care...with my mom, on the other hand, it's just me, and that scares me a little.

And indeed, I'm not saying that having siblings is a bad thing...it does seem nice to have that built-in friend when you're younger (though that's not guaranteed) and that kindred spirit when you're older. It's funny: with the two feature-length screenplays I've written, both incorporate some sort of sibling connection, be it either a brother/sister bond or a family of five kids. It's something I didn't have as a kid, really...and it makes for decent drama. And in a way, now that I'm over the initial jealousy and anger surrounding the birth of my sister, and now that she's at a fun age (14), we've been connecting a lot more over the last four years or so, and it's kind of nice. In fact, when I'm in Florida next month for this wedding, I'm going to sign her out of school and take her to lunch one day. Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww...

But all of that aside, I still denounce the concept that it's "mean to a child" not to give it a sibling, or that one becomes a better person if one has a sibling. With all of my flaws, I'll still hold myself up as living proof that an only child won't automatically become a serial killer or some social reject. I absolutely disagree that the decision for or against a second (or third, etc.) child should be based on what may or may not be best for the first child. If the parents have always wanted multiple kids, then by all means, have more kids (up to a point...those of you with four or more, please stop), but don't do it for the good of your existing kid(s)...that's a narrow point of view, and frankly, it's slightly offensive.

Anyway...speaking of offensive, there's a town just outside of LA that's trying to limit cussing. First of all: it's "cursing," not "cussing," if it has to be anything. Ugh...that's like calling Two-Face "Harvey Two-Face"...it's just dumb (that side note has been brought to you by this summer's The Dark Knight, wherein Two-Face will appear and apparently be called "Harvey Two-Face"...lame). But secondly, this is a silly idea...it's just going to want to make some people curse more and it's limiting free speech. If I want to say "fuck," I'll say "fuck." In theory, it's a magical idea that will raise the level of discourse, stop gangs dead in their tracks, and bring about world peace. In reality, it's just plain stupid.

And really, I'm not one for violence, but this 14 year old boy who started the No Cussing Club (McKay Hatch...is that really his name?) so deserves a punch in the cock. Grow up, kid...I'm all for making the world a better place and accomplishing that through small steps in the right direction, but go start a No Litter Club or a No Prejudice Club or something. I think this sentence really says a lot, though: "'My mom and dad always taught me good morals, good values, and not cussing was one of them,' said McKay Hatch, the founder of South Pasadena High School's No Cussing Club, during a recent break between study hall and tennis practice." Tennis practice, huh? Somehow it doesn't surprise me that this kid's biggest beef with the world is cursing....

I personally believe that so-called curse words have their place in language. There's a right place for them and a wrong place for them, and as long as they don't become every other word out of one's mouth, what's the big deal? I will agree that some people use them as a crutch, but that doesn't mean we should outlaw them...because really, that worked so well with Prohibition. And I'm not even going to equate cursing with alcohol...curse words are just words, they don't rot livers or break bones. Just use them judiciously and everything will be fine.

But let me end this discussion with this final brief quote from the article: "'I've cussed before, I'm not gonna lie to you,' Hatch quickly added. 'But I try not to cuss any more.'" Way to go, McKay...just stay on the wagon and everything will be just fine....