1 post tagged “bucket list”
If you had one month to live, what five things would you do?
Suggested by Acerebel.
Hooray for lists! Seriously, I cherish them...structured questions that allow for digressive rambling and/or witty retorts just get me hot and bothered. If you're ever interested in seducing me, just ask me my top five favorite Simpsons episodes or ten things wrong with movies these days (along with the crucial question of WHY...instruct me to show my work) and I'm yours. I'm sure it all has something to do with a need for attention and blah, blah, blah, but I still love making lists. And while I'm against calling it a "Bucket List" (hell, I'm even against seeing The Bucket List), I do think that speculating on this sort of scenario can be interesting, alongside the equally popular (and more relevant) "What ten things do you want to do in your lifetime," which eliminates the "dying in a month" aspect of things and makes it more of a list of general goals (it's less gimmicky). I might do that sort of list, as well, but not right now.
First, let's get the usual disclaimers out of the way: in order to answer this question in a fun manner and not a depressingly realistic manner, let's say that whatever is killing me in a month is not debilitating. In other words, I've gone to a psychic and they've said that some random, painless aneurysm will kill me in my sleep one month from now. Because in the real world, if you've got one month to live, it's probably because of something that will rob you of your ability to enjoy anything in your last month of life. That's not a fun scenario.
In addition, let's say that I'm at least 50 and have a family of my own and kids and all of that. I know that's sort of cheating, but it's too depressing to make this list as a single 25 year old...it would consist of "Try to get some girl pregnant before you die," "Apologize to parents for not giving them grandkids," "Decide on schedule for saying goodbye to divorced parents so they don't have to spend time together," "Try not to let worlds collide by having Los Angeles friends and New York friends sit together at funeral," etc. Also, let's say that I've accomplished my over-arching life goals, ie: making movies. Without that, my list would probably become about 4,000 items long as I attempted to cram fundraising, pre-production, production and post-production into one month (not to mention getting it into at least one festival). And let's say I have money, plenty of money.
Okay, with those parameters set, I can now begin to outline a list (in no particular order).
- Travel somewhere fun
With only a month to live, it's difficult to really plan any sort of comprehensive worldwide trip...I don't particularly want to spend my last weeks walking the Great Wall of China when I could be, you know, spending time with my loved ones. But it also seems like a waste to have tons of money and not at least go somewhere great for a few days. Of course, presumably, if I've had money for a while, I'll have probably gone everywhere I wanted to go prior to this bad news. So it might not have to be somewhere exotic...maybe more nostalgic. If for some reason I'm living outside of New York City when I get this diagnosis, then I'd probably rent a penthouse suite at the Plaza for the month and live there until the end. Yes, that sounds good...except for the fact that the room will then be called "haunted" after I die in it. Hm...I'll have to sign a No Haunting Agreement with the management...but that's nothing that a few hundred thousands dollars couldn't fix. So I guess I'd just go to New York and live there, if I'm not already...and maybe even if I am already, why not go to the Plaza anyway?
- Eat whatever I want
While I certainly didn't enjoy being a hundred pounds overweight and embarrassed by my appearance, I have to admit that I at least enjoyed the freedom of eating whatever the hell I wanted back when I was fat. So if I only have a month to live, I might as well have all the fattening and extremely unhealthy foods that I want. Huh...I guess I'm not going to be leaving a good-looking corpse. Still, whether it's to excess or just without as much restraint, I do enjoy food such a great deal that I would make sure not to deny myself that particular earthly delight before dying.
- Some vaguely dangerous activity
Wow, so far my choices are really predictable and boring: I'd live in New York and eat a bunch of crap. Given that I was doing that during college anyway, it doesn't seem like I'm really going to be living on the edge during my last month. And indeed, even though it's pretty trite, I guess I'd also take the opportunity to sky dive or wrestle a bear or something. Skydiving does look enjoyable, though, and it's not super dangerous, really (I mean, in theory it is, but it's pretty safe, relatively speaking). I don't really want to wrestle a bear or bungee jump, though. I think it would have to be skydiving. How original.
- Travel into space
Just to shake it up a bit, I'd commission my own space flight, wherein I'd launch into space, circle the Earth, and then land...all in one day. That would be fun and slightly different...expensive, too (why let my family or some charity have my money? Fuck them). As an added bonus, I would try and do a (very, very expensive) space walk. Take that, kids who never visit!
- Make one last movie
I know it seems a) impossible (what with the extremely limited timeframe) and b) unnecessary, given my "already achieved goals" parameter above, but a director's last film is often unassailable (that is, if they're critically praised...for instance, Brett Ratner's last film will still get terrible reviews). If Steven Spielberg makes the most boring, pedantic, treacly mess of his career as his last film, it will still make millions and be called "the brilliant final word from a master artist" (Richard Roeper, The Chicago Sun-Times). In other words, if Spielberg had died while making The Terminal, that's what would have happened (rimshot). So while I don't plan on having this bizarre "one month to live" scenario foisted upon me (God forbid), I do plan on having a final script at the ready, which will be placed in a glass box labeled "In Case of Imminent Death." I'll then hire a young director whose own style of filmmaking is obviously aping my own to be on set and finish the film as I would have in case I die during production (the old "Robert Altman/Paul Thomas Anderson switcheroo"). Of course, if I do live to complete the film and then go on to live for ten or twenty more years, that would be a bummer (sort of), because I'll have already used my final words...I'd have to fake my own death, take on a pseudonym and continue making films that way. That might be fun, too.
All right, I should probably start working...there's not that much to do and too much time with which to do it. I have to go in for a tuxedo fitting this weekend, which might be interesting. I'm excited to have an excuse to wear a black tie outfit again...I just hope I don't look ridiculous. Actually, speaking of this wedding next month, it's going to be a weird experience, and not just because the girl getting married was my first "girlfriend" (in 4th grade and it was just for a week or two...it doesn't really count...though we did talk on the phone every night, and she did give me stickers and my first kiss [on the cheek]...I should incorporate that into my wedding toast).
Rather, it's going to be weird because it's at my old synagogue (where I was Bar Mitzvahed) and a bunch of people I haven't seen in years are going to be there. In case any of you readers happen to remember a certain Brett G., he'll apparently be there, which is fucked up. I had a weird friendship with that kid during elementary and middle school, but I haven't seen him since high school. So...that should be interesting. I'm quite surprised that he was invited, honestly...no offense (though this is inherently a wildly offensive statement), but it kind of devalues my invite if he was also invited. Wow, that was mean...but it's not like they were such close friends, either.
Still, this synagogue is where I attended Hebrew School, too, so I don't have the fondest memories of the place...or my classmates. I never really fit in with them...there was another Jeremy in our class (who was also in my grade at secular school) and I always felt like they liked him better (because THEY DID). Also, I moved to Sarasota halfway through third grade and started at both regular and Hebrew schools halfway through the year, which always made me feel like an outsider (which I eventually got over at regular school by around middle school...I never got over it at Hebrew School). It was a class of only about ten or fifteen and while they didn't "bully" me or anything like that, they never included me or talked to me (aside from a few people, like this girl, but I was friends with them from regular school, too). Oh, but then there were some of the slightly older kids...they did "bully" me (not physically, but they sure did make fun of me).
Anyway, at least I get to wear a tux (and potentially have business cards by then...that'll be fun). All right, back to work so that I can pay for this whole trip.
