6 posts tagged “life”

How do you feel about your birthday?  Do you look forward to it and remind all your friends, or do you dread it and try to keep it a secret?

Hey, why not write yet another blog post? It's not like I have work to do or more serious things to think about or even coffee to get...oh, wait, I have all of those things. Actually, though, my work levels have decreased since returning from CES...and those "serious things" I have to think about aren't really enjoyable or relevant to my work day...and while I do yearn for some tasty Noah's coffee, I don't really feel like walking over there (and I probably don't have time now, anyway). So I guess, despite my biting, half-hearted sarcasm, the question really is "why not write another blog post?" Answer: there's no reason why not.

As for my birthday, I used to enjoy it much more when I was younger...but then, most people probably enjoy it more when they're turning 12 as opposed to turning 26. While I'm not going to argue that 12 is a better age than 26 (it's not), it's still not as fun to watch that number slowly inch closer to 30...then 40...then 50.... Of course, my parents and others of their generation would obviously scoff at my unease...what they wouldn't give to be 26 again, they'd say. Appreciate being young or I'll reach into your chest and tear out your heart so that I might drink your blood and consume your youth, they'd scream. Parents are crazy.

But the thing is, I don't believe that I'll be so opposed to getting older when I start truly reaching my goals. Right now, a lot of my age anxiety stems from wanting to make movies as soon as possible and from watching a lot of friends get into relationships, get engaged, get married. When I can make my movie, I'll stop thinking about how Orson Welles was 25 when he made Citizen Kane and all of that...when I find a significant other, I'll stop looking around and watching as everyone else seems to pair off while I have vaguely collegiate encounters (if anything). So it's not that I feel Death's cold hand on my shoulder quite yet, but I still can't escape my anxiety and impatience.

And as for the actual day itself, I used to get really excited about it and would subconsciously expect it to be an amazing day...and I was usually somewhat disappointed. Either I wouldn't hear from an important person in my life (really? You were in the computer lab and couldn't write an e-mail?) or it would be a normal and somewhat boring day or it would just be a full-on bad day. In any event, I've learned to just let the day go by without much fanfare.

Blah...maybe I was less inclined to write than I initially thought...I feel pretty uncreative. Obviously I need some Noah's coffee...if only they would deliver a single cup of coffee....

What's on your holiday wishlist?

Not to sound too much like a Science Fair project, but I'm still not sure of the effect of writing in my blog on the rest of my day's activities. That is to say, I feel more industrious starting off my day with a blog post, but it hasn't really led to accomplishing more work. Of course, that could be because I spend hours writing lengthy, verbose posts when I should be pouring that energy into other projects. But oh well, my boss and direct co-worker are out today, so it's just me manning the good ship Blu-ray...and she's headed toward the coast of Blog Island, where there be mermaids.

Despite the good nature of the above paragraph, I'm still not in a great mood. Yesterday sucked...for everyone, it seems. Though in retrospect, I can't say that my day was actually that bad...I was pretty on top of my work, even if I wasn't completely into it...I got to leave early, even if I ended up driving a co-worker to pick up her car, which necessitated battling through more traffic (which was ultimately fine...we left so early that I still got home twenty minutes earlier than I usually do), and so on. But it was still a disappointing day, if only because my smitten nature unfortunately has the side effect of basing my moods on interactions with that girl. So an otherwise mediocre day gets labeled a "good day" if we go for a walk, chat a great deal, or have some sort of meaningful interaction, whereas a decent day becomes crap if she's too busy to talk, blows off plans we had, or some other sort of meaningful interaction (though in this case, meaningful in a bad way). Of course, even the latter events can't completely bring down an otherwise great day...though they can dent it significantly.

Does that sound slightly deranged? I feel like it does. Yet I'm not actively trying to link my feelings into her activities, as I certainly know that she doesn't do what she does to have any effect on me whatsoever. But I can't help it...it's my soft pink underbelly that gets affected whenever it comes to women, not my crab-like shell. Damn you, estrogen-filled monsters....

But let me also clarify: these sorts of wildly varying reactions are only a result of the wooing period, when everything is so confusing and unsure for me. It's during this period that every little thing she does is magic and/or poison, and every word is carefully and neurotically analyzed to get at any existing deeper meanings. Something as small as a quick brush of our hands makes my heart beat a little faster, and something as meaningless as an ill-placed sigh discourages me like a legless child with dreams of being in the NBA.

But this is only due to that damnable wooing period, when I don't even know if she thinks about me in the slightest when I leave her sight. I'm not like this in a relationship, when I at least know that the other person might sorta kinda like me a little bit. There's no need to obsess over the timbre of someone's voice when you're sleeping next to them every night. So believe me, I annoy even myself with these neuroses, and I look forward to the day when I can stop wondering and just know either way.

Anyway...I digress. So, holiday wish list, huh? Well, I don't have or keep one. However, as that is a terrible answer (equivalent to saying "no" in a theatre improv), I'll say that I don't have or keep one because I don't ask for any presents. I used to...just like every other kid, I used to maintain lists of wants and needs (except for that poor kid from above...his list only has one item on it: legs), complete with stars to denote level of importance and specific details to ensure that the correct present was purchased. But when I started to earn my own money, I gradually stopped asking for things altogether. Nowadays, I don't ask for anything, which is fine by me...of course, selfishly, by cutting down on the intake of presents, I can also cut down on buying several hundreds of dollars worth of presents...a win-win situation all around. Outside of big things, like a new apartment, a new computer, a trip to Europe, a girlfriend, and/or $200,000 for my movie, there really isn't anything I want. Besides, I feel kind of weird as an adult asking my parents for presents...like Halloween, I feel like the time for asking parents for holiday presents is over for me. Now is more the time to exchange little presents with friends, co-workers and significant others, in my opinion.

Of course, later on, when I'm rich and famous, I'll get everyone really, really nice presents, friends and family alike...is that enough of a reason to give me some money for my movie?

What is your daily commute like?  What is the weirdest thing you've seen on that commute? 
Submitted by E. 

My daily commute is a miserable thing that fills me with dread every morning and evening...it pretty much puts me in a requisite bad mood every morning, regardless of how things are actually going. At least during my evenings, I get to chat with Jennie, which makes the ride far more palatable...though now that my last cell phone bill was over $150, I don't even get to do that. Ugh.

I'm just in a bad mood and, unfortunately, this question just feeds into that. Therefore, this post won't be very long, as I should refrain from spending too much time dwelling on stuff that bothers me. Besides, I do have a lot of work to do before the day comes to an end...though I'm not really in the mood today. I was supposed to attend a meeting at 3 PM today, so I went to the appropriate conference room at 3 to find no one there. I then sat outside for fifteen minutes, waiting...this didn't help my mood (though I have to say: I wasn't even in the mood to be in that meeting in the first place, so I guess it's a good thing it didn't happen).

Today's not the best day to be writing, I don't think...this post is more out of responsibility than having anything specific to say. I did see a few movies, though (just so this post isn't a complete waste): The Mist, which was pretty good, albeit depressing as all fuck; Enchanted, which was mediocre with moments of being cute (the good kind of cute); and The Golden Compass, for which I hope there is a 2 1/2 hour director's cut out there that fleshes things out and paces the film in a decent manner...there's a good movie in there, but the theatrical version was kinda weak. I've heard tale that this actually isn't Chris Weitz's approved version (when the film started popping up for purchase a few weeks ago, they were listing it at 2:20, not the final 1:54...an honest mistake or a hint of things to come...?), so perhaps on Blu-ray, it'll actually be fun instead of just "full of potential." Of course, the last time Chris Weitz did an alternate version of a movie, it actually weakened it a bit (that would be American Pie...pie-in-front-of-crotch sex is funnier than pie-on-counter-with-thrusting sex)...though that's a slightly different movie...one had Jason Biggs and the other didn't. Otherwise, it was exactly the same.

I'm also iffy about I Am Legend...it could be great or it could be awful. Actually, strike that: there's really nothing that leads me to believe that it could be "great." The director: shit. The writer: shit. The actor: can be a good actor, but can also be the downfall of an otherwise decent movie (I, Robot anyone?). The effects: look like effects (okay, that's just from the trailer...still...). This is definitely one of those movies that sort of sucks me in just by virtue of it being a huge Hollywood blockbuster-in-the-making. I used to be very susceptible to this sort of thing, though, until summer 2004 when Van Helsing was coming to theaters. I had already decided that I would be seeing it, as it was a major summer film and I couldn't just not see it. But I remember I was waiting for a subway one night and looking at an ad for the movie when I realized, you know what, I just don't care about this movie. It looks terrible, I don't want to see it...I won't see it. And I didn't...until DVD. And it was horrible. Still, I Am Legend doesn't look Van Helsing bad...it just looks I, Robot bad....

Beyond that, there are a lot of movies this month that I actually do want to go see: Sweeney Todd, There Will Be Blood, Charlie Wilson's War, The Savages, Walk Hard (maybe...), National Treasure: Book of Secrets (maybe...), Juno...though here's the thing about Juno: I do want to see it (a lot, actually), but I don't want to see it. That is, I loathed Thank You For Smoking, director Jason Reitman's first film. I thought it was smug, boring, unfunny, stupid, pointless and a waste of good film stock. And then beyond the movie itself, I hate the fact that little Jason Reitman tugged on his daddy's pant leg and got to direct a movie...a movie that sucked...a movie that critics bent over backwards to fellate. And now he's made Juno...and fucking dammit, it looks really good. And it's getting good reviews. But am I that gullible? Blah...I'll probably wait for DVD.

All right, I actually have a lot to do before the end of the day. I know I still owe Jackie an e-mail, too.... I just want to hibernate in my warm and cozy bed with my blankets until I go on vacation. Blah.

List five reasons (at least) why you are awesome.
Submitted by goobers18.

Yet another self-centered holiday-time post...great! Hooray for the self-involved bastards at Vox!

I was going to skip this question entirely, as I felt that it would either give way to snarky, sarcastic responses or ego-stroking, but maybe this time, I'll take the high road and try to actually respond in a somewhat serious manner. I mean, even the worst dump of a human being has at least five reasons why they're awesome (even if one of them is "I can kill people without splattering blood," or "I can drink Pine Sol and not die")...so why not me? In no particular order:

1. I have a goal. This seems like a small thing (and a frustrating thing, at times...having a goal means working towards a goal, which equals that crazy cocktail of perspiration and inspiration), but the more people I meet, the more I realize that having a goal and working towards it every day is a good thing. Of course, it will flower into full awesomeness when I can actually reach that goal...but for now, having a goal at all is worth mentioning here.

2. I can touch my tongue to my nose. Another seemingly small thing...actually, I can't defend this one...it is a small thing. But it's still not something everyone can do. So why does it make me awesome? Well...having a dexterous tongue can be a popular thing, in the right circumstances....

3. I lost 100 pounds. Okay, I shouldn't have been 100 pounds overweight in the first place, but I'm still proud that I was able to completely alter my eating habits, start a workout regimen, avoid tasty temptations and actually lose that excessive weight. True, I probably should only have lost about 90-95 pounds (159 is not a healthy weight for me), but it wouldn't have been awesome if it hadn't been triple digits.

4. I know a lot about movies. If I just knew the titles of lots of movies, it wouldn't be awesome. Even if I had just seen thousands of movies, it wouldn't be awesome. But I do have a vast knowledge of movies, complete with cast and crew, running times, technical info, studio info, behind the scenes details, etc. That information coupled with my technical filmmaking know-how (aspect ratios, film stocks, lenses, etc.)...I have to believe that elevates this skill to "awesome." Or at least I think so...but then, I'm a nerd.

5. I moved cross-country. It's really hard to think of things that make me awesome (without being a dick about it or being too inaccurate), so I guess I'll have to finish with this. In September of 2004, I left all of my friends, family and my east coast comfort zone to move to a city I had never visited. I literally piled my belongings into my car, got in, and drove from New York City to Los Angeles over a period of five days. Granted, this isn't unique, but I'm proud of myself for doing it. Of course, I still plan on moving back to New York one day, but that doesn't deplete this entry's reserve of awesomeness.

It's really difficult to try and be honest about "why I'm awesome." A lot of it has to do with the fact that I don't necessarily think of myself as "awesome." I do like myself and all and am pleased with many things, but "awesome" is a big word. Maybe one day, I'll truly feel awesome...one day....

If you could get everyone in the world to change their behavior in one way, what would you have them do differently?
Submitted by Ross.

Questions like this are tricky: while there are so many things about the world's behavior that I would theoretically change, the question then becomes: what is light without dark? What is hot without cold? And so on. So while my initial reaction might be to say something to the effect of "I would stop people from being selfish," or some such (potentially hypocritical) thing, that would be a big change in the way the world worked. One could even argue that certain instances of being selfish are often beneficial or lead to better things for either of the involved parties. Even employing those hallowed requests known as the Ten Commandments might not work out the way one might imagine. Sure, "Thou shalt not kill" sounds great, but what about euthanasia? Would that have an impact on abortions? And what about good old fashioned suicide? But would the elimination of all murder be worth getting rid of those things (I know none of them are wonderful, but they are occasionally necessary...well, not suicide)?

It seems safer to pinpoint something smaller that might not unbalance the universe. In that case, I would probably stop people from spitting on the street. When I walked around New York, I was often shocked by the number of people who would just spit all over the sidewalk. I mean, what the hell? But even with something like this, I have to wonder about people who have to spit...for...medical reasons? I don't know, there has to be some reason out there for a select few to spit on a regular basis.

Therefore, so as not to upset SWCHI (Spitters Who Can't Help It), maybe I'd stop people from having their phones ring during movies. That seems simple and small enough. But what about doctors who need access to patients, yet just had to get away from the hospital for two hours to watch John Travolta make gay jokes while riding a motorcycle? Or people with diabetes who use their cell phones as timers for their insulin?

Ultimately, as much as I'm irritated by a surprisingly large number of things, I don't think I would change anything, as it would generally upset the world's balance. Though come to think of it, I might keep people from polluting...there doesn't seem to be any legitimate reason for dumping toxic waste in a pond...unless by dumping it in the pond, it's keeping them from dumping it on a playground. Sigh...

Which person from your past, who you've lost touch with, do you wonder about the most? 
Submitted by ancora impara.

This is a great question...and one that I probably won't be able to give the full and complete attention that it deserves. It's actually something that I think about often...well, not often, per se, but sometimes. And while I know that I often think about a wide variety of people (from daycare friends to people from Sabal Pointe to high school chums to old work peers, with a whole constellation of people in between), I sometimes wonder if people are ever wondering what became of me. I know this is a pretty selfish slant on the question, but I do intend to answer it normally...I'm just saying....

I suppose the people that instill the most curiosity in me (and understandably, I think) would be ex-girlfriends...there are just so many more facets to that curiosity than those for someone I knew in middle school (though I have to say: Dennis Heaney, where art thou?). To that end, I guess my mind most often turns to Tina and Krystal and where they are now...though contrary to popular belief, I think I'm probably more curious about Krystal these days than Tina. That shift has really been due to the fact that I saw Tina only four years ago and she was pretty uninteresting. If I had never dated her and was introduced to her now, I don't think I would like her at all, as a friend or otherwise. Still, regardless of that antipathy, I would probably still be really curious about what she's up to now...if she were doing anything interesting. So why bring her up at all? Because regardless of all of that, she was still my first love, and if my mind is flowing down the rapid river of my past, her name remains a large, jutting rock.

As for Krystal, I do wonder about her. Our relationship didn't end that well, which makes me sad sometimes...I still believe that, if our long distance relationship hadn't gotten in the way, we could have dated for years. But I do hope she's okay and that she's found someone who doesn't have my issues and/or fears and whatnot. So if I think about most everyone from my past at one point or another and count the number of times I do so, most people would have a "1" or a "2" next to their names, some would have double digits, and Tina and Krystal would be off the charts. Oh, and Dennis Heaney would be up there, too...that guy just disappeared.